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screen_name · 04-05-2007, 11:48 AM

PS: You know, the more I think about your situation and the more I think about where my head was just over a year ago, I think the best thing anyone can say to you is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep the general in mind as you work on the specifics. If you focus on the specifics, you're going to get bummed out. You have to be a bit dispassionate about the specifics (the medications, the conflicting opinons, etc) otherwise you'll go mad. If you accept them as part of the process (which is not, admittedly, an easy thing to do; it takes work to keep telling yourself this same thing over and over) and believe that there is an edge to this forest, so to speak, it will be easier to get up every day and deal with all this crap that doesn't appear to actually be going anywhere. IOW, as big as these things seem, you have to look at them as little things, and not get too frustrated by the little things.

I think it's the frustration that sets us back more than the actual anxiety or whatever. We get impatient. We want things to change more quickly than we perceive them changing. That's where getting all calm and Buddhist about things helps. It feels like everything is raging around you, but you know that you can still maintain in the midst of it.

At some point, that calm and self-confidence will come, and you won't be as worried no matter what is going on around you, no matter what your current circumstances are. Hell, I still don't have a job. I haven't cashed a check in six months. This disturbs me. But instead of the anxiety of it leading to a sort of paralysis that just makes the situation worse, I'm more focused. I have a plan, a plan to change careers by getting a degree over the next few years and moving into a profession with much more job security. Before, I'd need the cash flow situation to be immediately fixed before I felt any better, before I could sleep. Now, I accept that such changes take some time, and that all I can do is take the steps that need to be taken. Forward progress is all I can make and as long as I'm doing that, I'm not worried. And that's all stuff that is within my power.

And, like alcoholism, I believe some degree of this is just habit. A person gets used to drinking when they get stressed out and someone with an anxiety disorder gets used to wigging out when stress hits. Part of the treatment is simply saying, "no." Saying it 100 times an hour if necessary. Habits break and new ones, good ones, can be formed. I've been sober for almost three years now and I have new habits. The old grooves in the brain have been destroyed and new ones have been built and are being built all the time, getting stronger every day, as I consciously decide for myself each day who I'm going to be and what I'm going to do.

Yes, there is something chemical, something physical, that's going on here. But, just as important, if not more so, is the mental aspect, the aspect of the will.

If you keep grinding it out every day, at some point you will notice a change. Instead of reacting negatively to things, you will find that you react with more confidence, you will believe you can handle a thing and if not handle it, at least tackle it, survive it. You won't any longer believe it can actually hurt you.

After all the therapy I've gone through in the last year, I keep coming back to the thing I didn't want to hear: it all comes from within. No one's going to give you a pill, or answer a question, that's going to solve everything or make everything right.

You must find it within. First, you must believe that it actually exists within you. Not until then will you be able to draw on that strength and develop it, use it. But if you keep grinding it out, you will find it.

Christ said, "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you." The Buddhists also believe that it's all within. Either way, as much support or help or therapy you get from others, it ultimately comes down to finding that "inner strength." That is what is the difference between perceiving a situation as being able to destroy you, and perceiving it as something you can face. This isn't that power of positive thinking BS or motivational speaking or whatever. This is about becoming a whole human being again (or for the first time, depending).

At the end of the day, it's kind of like when we were kids and we were scared of the dark, scared of sleeping with the closet door open or whatever. Mom and Dad can say all they like, and sometimes their assuring words help, but it came down to us getting to a place where we truly believed, truly knew, that there was nothing in that closet that could hurt us.

I'm not saying there aren't things in life that can hurt us. That's not the direction to take the analogy. The analogy means that a good night's sleep as a child is equivalent to the peace of mind that we're looking for, that it's all internal, not external.

Sorry, I was in the mood to ramble. Keep whatever's useful and ignore the rest.

04-05-2007, 11:48 AM	#3 (permalink)
screen_name Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: western north america Posts: 62	PS: You know, the more I think about your situation and the more I think about where my head was just over a year ago, I think the best thing anyone can say to you is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep the general in mind as you work on the specifics. If you focus on the specifics, you're going to get bummed out. You have to be a bit dispassionate about the specifics (the medications, the conflicting opinons, etc) otherwise you'll go mad. If you accept them as part of the process (which is not, admittedly, an easy thing to do; it takes work to keep telling yourself this same thing over and over) and believe that there is an edge to this forest, so to speak, it will be easier to get up every day and deal with all this crap that doesn't appear to actually be going anywhere. IOW, as big as these things seem, you have to look at them as little things, and not get too frustrated by the little things. I think it's the frustration that sets us back more than the actual anxiety or whatever. We get impatient. We want things to change more quickly than we perceive them changing. That's where getting all calm and Buddhist about things helps. It feels like everything is raging around you, but you know that you can still maintain in the midst of it. At some point, that calm and self-confidence will come, and you won't be as worried no matter what is going on around you, no matter what your current circumstances are. Hell, I still don't have a job. I haven't cashed a check in six months. This disturbs me. But instead of the anxiety of it leading to a sort of paralysis that just makes the situation worse, I'm more focused. I have a plan, a plan to change careers by getting a degree over the next few years and moving into a profession with much more job security. Before, I'd need the cash flow situation to be immediately fixed before I felt any better, before I could sleep. Now, I accept that such changes take some time, and that all I can do is take the steps that need to be taken. Forward progress is all I can make and as long as I'm doing that, I'm not worried. And that's all stuff that is within my power. And, like alcoholism, I believe some degree of this is just habit. A person gets used to drinking when they get stressed out and someone with an anxiety disorder gets used to wigging out when stress hits. Part of the treatment is simply saying, "no." Saying it 100 times an hour if necessary. Habits break and new ones, good ones, can be formed. I've been sober for almost three years now and I have new habits. The old grooves in the brain have been destroyed and new ones have been built and are being built all the time, getting stronger every day, as I consciously decide for myself each day who I'm going to be and what I'm going to do. Yes, there is something chemical, something physical, that's going on here. But, just as important, if not more so, is the mental aspect, the aspect of the will. If you keep grinding it out every day, at some point you will notice a change. Instead of reacting negatively to things, you will find that you react with more confidence, you will believe you can handle a thing and if not handle it, at least tackle it, survive it. You won't any longer believe it can actually hurt you. After all the therapy I've gone through in the last year, I keep coming back to the thing I didn't want to hear: it all comes from within. No one's going to give you a pill, or answer a question, that's going to solve everything or make everything right. You must find it within. First, you must believe that it actually exists within you. Not until then will you be able to draw on that strength and develop it, use it. But if you keep grinding it out, you will find it. Christ said, "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you." The Buddhists also believe that it's all within. Either way, as much support or help or therapy you get from others, it ultimately comes down to finding that "inner strength." That is what is the difference between perceiving a situation as being able to destroy you, and perceiving it as something you can face. This isn't that power of positive thinking BS or motivational speaking or whatever. This is about becoming a whole human being again (or for the first time, depending). At the end of the day, it's kind of like when we were kids and we were scared of the dark, scared of sleeping with the closet door open or whatever. Mom and Dad can say all they like, and sometimes their assuring words help, but it came down to us getting to a place where we truly believed, truly knew, that there was nothing in that closet that could hurt us. I'm not saying there aren't things in life that can hurt us. That's not the direction to take the analogy. The analogy means that a good night's sleep as a child is equivalent to the peace of mind that we're looking for, that it's all internal, not external. Sorry, I was in the mood to ramble. Keep whatever's useful and ignore the rest.