| had a glass of wine...
sitting here - with everyone asleep - listening to norah jones - had a glass of wine - it's been a long day - neighborhood easter egg hunt - husband being a short tempered dick - mom leaves a crying message - spring break is this week - were broke - john mayer is now on - *were never gonna stop the world* - you know that's how i feel - defeated - i want to stop the world - the kids were on the back porch - my lil guy and 2 yr old nephew put on these hats with pompom's all over em - then we found one for the dog and we cracked up - my 8 yr old said *i wish we could always be like this* the earlier screaming match between my husband and myself ended with him saying *i'm done - just send them away* (i type that as i cry) - wtf am i doing? - sometimes i feel so futile - like - i don't know - like... i just keep spinning my wheels - and no one notices, especially myself - i just want f*&^in drugs to go away - to not be here - for none of us to hurt - i've had enough - i'm sad - i'm weak - i'm screwing up everyone i love - i want to wake up to 8 o'clock when we were all cracking up on the screened in porch - i want that more than anything...
i don't want to go to bed - i don't want to talk to p - i don't want to deal with all the crap - i just don't - i don't want to be me right now - i know things will be ok - but f*& - i want things to be good - you know - just good - for teke, for cinderella with kids - for all the parents and all the addicts - i want everyone to be good...
and i want to stop crying - i'm so sad - about all of this - it just sucks so much - and it isn't anyone's fault - it just is - but it sucks...
god - i hope you know what you're doing - because i sure don't know much anymore - i wish i did but i want to believe it will get better - please let it get better...
for all of us...
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