[shutterbug]

no, you don't sound like an idiot!

Just the other day I posted on a personal page of mine that I hope some day I will find an off switch for my brain!

Lately, my thoughts have been circling about a co-worker that i'm attracted to. I know he's not interested in me and I truely don't like a lot of things i come to see in what little I know of him.....and yet....I CAN'T stop thinking about him. Day after day, hour after hour.

And my other main obsessive thoughts are about my job and being paranoid that i'm not doing a good enough job or that I aggrevate people and they just don't feel they can talk to me about what it was I did. I always assume people dislike me and that i've constantly got to be on guard to prove myself.

I've been told my many docs and mental health professionals that I'm "not crazy, just neurotic". Well....when I can't get those revolving thoughts out of my head, that I just mentioned....I often FEEL like i'm going crazy.

Relationship (or lack thereof) are the things I obsess about the most and the most strongly. When I realized last week I was obsessing over my co-worker...I came across a book i bought at a garage sale called "Obsessive Love".

It actually describes the "whys" of what causes those like me to obsess over relationships. Most of it goes back to our childhood roots....and not getting the required amount of love, attention and affirmations needed to grow up healthy and whole.

But knowing all that....doesn't make it much easier.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?