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You Can Feel Good Without Changing Your Body
Often when people don't like their bodies, or have an eating disorder, they believe that if they had a different body they would be happy. They are waiting for the day when their body looks the way they want it to in order to feel better about themselves. In the meantime they criticize their bodies & feel anxious about what they eat.
Many people, particularly women focus on changing their bodies when what they really want is to feel differently about themselves — to feel sensual, attractive, confident, light, graceful, elegant, or sexy. But you can feel any or all of those things without changing your body.
It's true anyone can feel light, graceful & sexy at any size, shape, or body weight. I'm sure you've seen women who carry themselves with great dignity & beauty who are no where close to the ideal supermodel or barbie-doll size. What is their secret? They feel good about themselves. They feel sexy inside. You know they feel that way by how they carry themselves & by how they speak. Have you noticed that when people feel beautiful & sexy, they look beautiful & sexy?
Visualize Yourself Feeling the Way You Want to Feel
One way to feel the way you want to feel is to imagine or visualize yourself that way. Really let yourself see, smell, hear, touch & feel yourself the way that you would want to feel. Don't focus on how you want to look, but on how you want to feel. Focus on the feeling of lightness or solidness, of feeling sexy or graceful. Notice what it's like to feel this way, what you do & how you interact with people when you feel this way.
Try an Exercise to Bring Yourself Into Your Body the Way You Want To
Try one or both of the following exercies to increase your ability to feel the way you want to in your body - or skip over them to the rest of the article.
Exercise to develop how you want to feel in & about your body:
Imagine yourself as something-an animal, plant, or object-that has a quality that you would like to have. (A tree for its strong roots & presence, a giraffe for its grace & head held high) Really put yourself into it, be that animal, plant, or object. Move around as if you are that animal or object. Feel what it is like to be this body-how you move, see the world & think. Just do as much as you feel comfortable with-it'll get easier with practice.
Exercise to feel the change from how you feel about your body now to how you want to feel:
Identify how you most often feel about your body. This isn't how your body looks — it's how you feel inside. Perhaps, you feel heavy, awkward, or cumbersome. Now think about how you would like to feel inside-confident, light, sexy, or graceful. Now use your imagination to consider what object, plant, animal, or colour best represents this feeling. For example, if you feel heavy, maybe a cannon ball would fit. Then focus on how you would like to feel & think of an object, plant, animal, or colour that could represent that, like a feather for lightness, or a cat for gracefulness.
Next, let yourself imagine that you are a cannon ball. Really put yourself into this; let yourself feel what it is like for you. Move around the room as a cannon ball. Is there anything that you like about this feeling, anything that you don't like? Spend time with this & gradually let yourself change into the object that represents how you would like to feel. As you slowly transform from the cannon ball to the feather, take notice of what it feels like to make that change. Be that feather in all its lightness. Move around the room as a feather floating in the air. Let yourself feel what it is like to be light as a feather. Notice how this feels & what you like & don't like. Stay with this feeling for awhile. Notice how you move when you are a feather.
When you are done, write out what you learned from the experience. Was it hard moving from one feeling to the other? What did you enjoy & dislike about both feelings? Would you be willing to continue practicing how you want to feel? What does how you usually feel give you? Is there anything scary about feeling the way you want to feel?
Answering these questions can give you important insight about yourself that you may not have known before. For example, some women discover that they feel comfort or safety in feeling heavy & that they associate fear & vulnerability with feeling light or sexy. It's important to hear your answers & to explore why they are true for you.
These exercises can bring about dramatic change if you really put yourself into them & make them a part of your life. I've seen women who once walked with timidity & hesitation, walk with newfound confidence after practicing this. The power of visualization can be quite remarkable — especially in the area of body image — because you are working on replacing one image for another. You are changing your body image to something that you want.
You Don't Have to Change Your Body to Feel Good
You don't have to change your body to feel better about your body. In fact, it's better not to try to force your body to change, but rather to feel comfortable & alive in the body you have. Loving your body & working on feeling the way you want to can not only improve your body image, it can help you feel happier in the rest of your life - because you're accepting yourself.
Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist, © 2001
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