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Nuudawn · 03-22-2007, 04:46 PM

Hey Hon,
Your choices and consequences read much like mine. I hid behind booze for 20 years. I didn't quit being the "party girl" until just over 3 months ago. It's hideously pathetic at 40... hell, it's always pathetic. It's a fraud identity and a prison. My mask was a lie..so I often attracted cheaters and liars into my life. A dishonest life is fraught with pain. I have been beating myself up all day about the choices I've made in adulthood. There is only one person who can take care of me...one person who can keep the hounds of hell at bay...one person who can protect me from abusive men and situations...one person who can make the choices in life that will determine the quality of my life..that person is me...and that person has been drunk and absent for years. I threw myself to the wolves over and over again because I was too wasted, to willing to give over control in every given situation. Hard to look after one's self in a black out. Hard to look after yourself if you're never in your right mind. Give your self a fighting chance to look after your self.

03-22-2007, 04:46 PM	#5 (permalink)
Nuudawn Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Canada Posts: 753	Hey Hon, Your choices and consequences read much like mine. I hid behind booze for 20 years. I didn't quit being the "party girl" until just over 3 months ago. It's hideously pathetic at 40... hell, it's always pathetic. It's a fraud identity and a prison. My mask was a lie..so I often attracted cheaters and liars into my life. A dishonest life is fraught with pain. I have been beating myself up all day about the choices I've made in adulthood. There is only one person who can take care of me...one person who can keep the hounds of hell at bay...one person who can protect me from abusive men and situations...one person who can make the choices in life that will determine the quality of my life..that person is me...and that person has been drunk and absent for years. I threw myself to the wolves over and over again because I was too wasted, to willing to give over control in every given situation. Hard to look after one's self in a black out. Hard to look after yourself if you're never in your right mind. Give your self a fighting chance to look after your self. __________________ "There is no birth of consciousness without pain"