[satanicpitbull]

Hello everyone! First of all I have never used this board,the only boards I have used are the 12 step boards to deal with my addiction,let me tell you a little about me...my name is john and I started to do drugs at 12 yrs old,I had a very abusive stepfather who beat me from the time I was five until I was 16 and started fighting back,there is major depression issues in my family,my grand mother,she had serious nervous breakdowns,my mom was so depressed at times that she couldnt get off the couch for six months at a time.November,12th of last year I decided to get "clean"once again...this time when talkin with the shrink at the treatment center she suggested that I look into Depression,well I took some tests and as it turns out I do have major depression issues,I was givin a script of paxil,I figured that if I am treating the addiction I may as well treat the depression I dont want to get clean just to relapse because im depressed,anyway I started on the paxil about six months ago and things were going very well at first,I was clean from drug use and I wasent depressed anymore...I was learning about another person that was hiding inside of me,it was great for a time,then lately I have felt myself starting to fall backwards...sinking again...gettin really sad and not motivated at all...there are things I should be doin as a husband and a father and I am finding that I am reallystuck again...I cant stand this,I want to be motivated to live,to work,to be happy with the family and I really dont want to relapse. I feel so sad at times that I just want to cry for no reason,I am going to try to get more help with this but I am not going to see my shrink untill next month so in the meantime if anybody can help I would aprieciate it...Thank you...JOHN