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DaVinci2 · 03-19-2007, 04:24 AM

I posted about my wife and her constant cleaning habits etc. Today, we got into a bit of a fight. It's that time of the month, and I know she is a bit sensative. I was very very careful in what I said and the advice I tried to give her. Unforunately, this is not just a PMS thing. The PMS just brings it out more.

Basically, she says that she hates herself. She has no reason (IMO) to hate herself. She does above and beyond what any other person I know does. She takes care of her sick mother and father (Which is hard when you're an only child in Japan) she works full-time (Promoted to supervisor for being in the top 10 of 500 operators at her company) and does her best to take care of me as well. Still, she feels as though she doesn't do enough. When the apartment is not clean, she cleans because she feels it's 'her' job. If I make sure all is clean before she comes home, she finds something else to get upset about. It's constant battle.

Today, her day-off, I told her to relax, have a glass of wine, enjoy some TV or a book. She couldn't. All she saw was stuff, not just cleaning, that had to be done. I told her it could wait, and anything that needed to be done I could do since I only had a few hours of work to do.

It's now 7pm, and she just finished crying her eyes out about how she hates herself and that this hate makes her angry at others (She often gets upset at her mother when she shouldn't IMO). I sent an email asking if I had a clean shirt for the day after tomorrow, just asking so that I know whether or not to make time to bring one to the cleaners. This sent her on another 'trip'. She feels that by not having 'read my mind' in that I needed a shirt, that she is at fault for it.

I don't know how to describe this any better. I told her about this forum, and even though her English is great (She's Japanese) she doesn't have the confidence to sit here at type in English and expect to understand any responses.

I suggested couceling or group therap. Her answer "No. That will just make me feel worse. I don't want to sit with other crazy people around me." She feels that perhaps being with others that have similar issues, she's grouping herself with crazies even though I explained that neither her or they are crazy. I ask her to see a doctor, but doctors here in Japan will label her very quickly as being depressed, give her meds, and send her on her way without talking with her for very long.

I told her I would right this post and look for suggestions. Hope some are thrown this way...

PS. I suggested yoga to relax, but she threw that one out the window very quickly saying "To do yoga properly you need an instructor." There was no convincing her otherwise. It seems every idea I have to make life easier is shot down.

03-19-2007, 04:24 AM	#1 (permalink)
DaVinci2 Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Japan Posts: 219	When one hates themself??? I posted about my wife and her constant cleaning habits etc. Today, we got into a bit of a fight. It's that time of the month, and I know she is a bit sensative. I was very very careful in what I said and the advice I tried to give her. Unforunately, this is not just a PMS thing. The PMS just brings it out more. Basically, she says that she hates herself. She has no reason (IMO) to hate herself. She does above and beyond what any other person I know does. She takes care of her sick mother and father (Which is hard when you're an only child in Japan) she works full-time (Promoted to supervisor for being in the top 10 of 500 operators at her company) and does her best to take care of me as well. Still, she feels as though she doesn't do enough. When the apartment is not clean, she cleans because she feels it's 'her' job. If I make sure all is clean before she comes home, she finds something else to get upset about. It's constant battle. Today, her day-off, I told her to relax, have a glass of wine, enjoy some TV or a book. She couldn't. All she saw was stuff, not just cleaning, that had to be done. I told her it could wait, and anything that needed to be done I could do since I only had a few hours of work to do. It's now 7pm, and she just finished crying her eyes out about how she hates herself and that this hate makes her angry at others (She often gets upset at her mother when she shouldn't IMO). I sent an email asking if I had a clean shirt for the day after tomorrow, just asking so that I know whether or not to make time to bring one to the cleaners. This sent her on another 'trip'. She feels that by not having 'read my mind' in that I needed a shirt, that she is at fault for it. I don't know how to describe this any better. I told her about this forum, and even though her English is great (She's Japanese) she doesn't have the confidence to sit here at type in English and expect to understand any responses. I suggested couceling or group therap. Her answer "No. That will just make me feel worse. I don't want to sit with other crazy people around me." She feels that perhaps being with others that have similar issues, she's grouping herself with crazies even though I explained that neither her or they are crazy. I ask her to see a doctor, but doctors here in Japan will label her very quickly as being depressed, give her meds, and send her on her way without talking with her for very long. I told her I would right this post and look for suggestions. Hope some are thrown this way... PS. I suggested yoga to relax, but she threw that one out the window very quickly saying "To do yoga properly you need an instructor." There was no convincing her otherwise. It seems every idea I have to make life easier is shot down.