| Fight and Win!
TCD and T2S ~
I, too, am still in shock, but wanted to say a quick hello and that I would like you to please feel free to PM me if you want to talk at all. Maybe you will find even more strength to keep on with the peace YOU have found because of the news of Greeneyes and Cat's death. I want something positive to come from this sad loss! I spent an hour and a half on the phone last night with a friend of mine and Cat's, making plans for her Memorial Service tomorrow : ( It wasn't all sad, as we have some wonderful, beautiful, FUNNY memories), but the fact that we are planning ANY of this angers me beyond all! We are deciding what food we need to make, what flower arrangements we are buying in honor of her children, what we are going to say when it is our turn to stand up and honor HER (if I can find the phsysical and emotional strength to do that ~ I suppose I'll know tomorrow if I can pull that off). It was NOT intentional on Cat's part from what we all know now to leave this world that day/night she did... I think she was struggling so deeply with the addiction and the loss of her family these past weeks, as you have all read on her threads and posts, that she just spiraled and kept drugging and drinking. She stopped fighting!! She was found sitting on the floor, against the couch, and I think her heart just stopped THIS time.... She didn't want that to happen that day, but IT DID! E and I talked about it last night at length and E said, and it is SO true of Cat, that she would not have wanted to have been found the way she was (or looked)!!! She was a VERY beautiful, vivacious, charismatic woman and cared very much about her looks (maybe that's all she felt she had left, even after facing the malignant melanoma on her face and having gone through the 13 recontstructive surgeries following the removal of that cancer the past 3 years ~ she was one of the MOST beautiful woman I have ever met). It happened and she probably didn't think it could happen to her, even after just having OD'd in December. She always came back from the "worst" of these binges, but this time she didn't. Which is reeeally worse? Planning it or not? She didn't expect to NOT be here the next day or week, or month.... She planned on fighting for her life and was probably thinking "tomorrow I'll start over"... She will never have that chance and I just want to pass on to all of you who are struggling today with this evil addiction that this disease WILL take you if you give it even half a chance, even one more hit, even one more drink mixed with one more pill....
I want everyone here on SR who is still struggling today with this and put yourself in Cat's position that afternoon... I'm sorry it's so painful, but I am hoping that her death, and Greeneyes (who also was SO young and SO beautiful and had everything to fight and live for) will somehow give you the strength and the WILL to end this life-threatening cycle... Just "one more" could very well be YOUR last and then your families will be where we are today... Planning, planning, planning.... The worst possible thing you could EVER have to plan in your lifetime... And, what do we even say at her service? There is SO much to say about her whole entire life, but how do you talk of the happy times and wonderful memories when you could still be living them with the one you love, and you no longer have that opportunity? And all because she just wanted to be numb and not think for a few hours or minutes....
I have to work now, but will write in the following days afer Cat's Service tomorrow. I love it here and have found such peace and comfort, but do you really all think I WANT to be here? I found this site by typing in Acristicat's email address and now I have lived the last 3 months of her life in this past week, the good and the bad, just because I want to hold onto her and not ever let her go...
Love to you all ~ along with some courage, strength and how about a little "fight for your life" thrown in there!
Love Angel
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