[2stop]

I know exactly what you mean about boring routines, feeling unsatisified unless adrenaline is rushing and pounding through every vein in your body. I yearn for the security and discipline of schedule and routine...but my heart demands adventure sans safety. It's almost as though I must feel on the doorstep of death before I can feel satisfied to bake cookies and vacuum and dust. I think it comes down to I have to verify and justify my existence..because for so long I have felt disconnected to the living..life was all around, yet I couldn't reach it, couldn't be a "part" of it....living adventurously and dangerously somehow makes us sense we ARE the master of our fate. For so long we only knew basic or even subhuman survival...we don't quite know where we "fit" in the scheme of things, adrenaline helps us to feel empowered. Then I get worn out with the "adventure" and crave hearth and home...it's just a big ole cycle I guess...