[ICU]

Notoshure,

It's absolultely fine to vent here! And you're right....not every alcoholic is abusive, and it's wrong to assume that they are.

I always 'try to' share the best of what I have to offer in the way of experience, resources, knowledge, etc. I know for sure that I am guilty of telling people just what they should do in their situation. Now that I am aware of it, I try like heck to catch myself....sometimes I'm successful, and sometimes I'm not. It is a constant battle for me; especially when someone is being physically hurt.

Now I just try to encourage people to take one step to get safe and that's by suggesting they contact a DV agency and talking with experts that 'do' know the right thing to say, and what 'not' to say.

I hope I plant a seed, answer questions that they bring up, encourage progress, and try (I really do try) to then let it go. Sometimes it's just so darned hard though. You care so much and don't want anyone to go through what you've gone through or worse.... But, you're 100% right, in the end, no one has the right to tell any other adult how to live their lives.

One thing though, when someone is tellilng me something that "I should do" and it ticks me off, I try to ask "what is their motive....is it to help or hurt me"? If it's to hurt me, well, enough said.....

But if it's to help me....how can I be angry with a good motive? Sure, I may not like how they handled it, but I can forgive that because I hope people forgive me for the things I don't handle properly!

P.S. Sometimes though, a friend (especially one who has been through it) can see through the 'suspected' abused person's denial....the signs become obvious to us). But there are 'more gentle' ways of approaching the subject.