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concolor1 · 03-09-2007, 04:03 PM

Here comes the old wet blanket--they're handy for flames, however--but the story about the frog is an old urban legend without any factual basis . . .

http://www.snopes.com/critters/wild/frogboil.asp

As a froglover this makes me happy since so many have been sacrificed in the name of science (remember those biology dissection lessons?) and pregnancy tests relied on them for many years with the result a fungus was introduced worldwide that's probably threatening many wild amphibian populations . . .

Time to set my ideals and outside issues aside, though . . . The situation with alcoholism/codenpendency is more complicated (and I'm a longtime double winner). Where children are concerned, the scenario above is accurate; children are equipped with marvelous survival tactics--these can be problematic when carried into adulthood too rigidly--but a huge issue involves perceptions. Children learn that booze makes daddy (or mommy) unreliable, but they see the codependent act crazy without apparent cause. This creates children who live in a "hyper-vigilant" state with big time trust issues; they learn it's not safe to ask for help, and they are drawn to individuals from similar backgrounds . . .

Recovery involves being willing to change those dynamics ("Take contrary action," my first Al-Anon sponsor said) and challenge the dysfunctional rules that take on the force of law when they actually have no legitimacy whatsover.

That's a lot of work, which is why there are so many plateaus in recovery. Just last week I attended a memorial service for a tragic suicide victim. A longtime friend of mine--both were gay, and my friend had been to lots of Al-Anon--said she'd spent the last year trying to keep our friend alive in spite of the horrific depression that led to the suicide . . .

So I asked my friend how she was doing (she'd had problems in the past as well) . . . She said she was fine . . .

There's a lesson there. People do become shell-shocked by the chaos and drama, and that actually "feels normal" to them, no matter how bizarre it appears to outsiders . . .

Part of the "trick of recovery" is to step back and look matters over objectively (including one's own role) and start taking little tiny steps toward the beautiful world out there that really does exist when one is willing to forego the drama . . .

Not easy, but worthwhile . . . It often involves a lot of grief and other issues, but the strength of the Fellowships is we don't walk this path alone . . .

And a brief moment of silence for an old AA sponsor of mine, Joe M., who noted, "One of the meanest things we alcoholics ever do to an Al-Anon is to get sober."

03-09-2007, 04:03 PM	#8 (permalink)
concolor1 Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Upper Kolobia Posts: 90	It's a Good Story, However . . . Here comes the old wet blanket--they're handy for flames, however--but the story about the frog is an old urban legend without any factual basis . . . http://www.snopes.com/critters/wild/frogboil.asp As a froglover this makes me happy since so many have been sacrificed in the name of science (remember those biology dissection lessons?) and pregnancy tests relied on them for many years with the result a fungus was introduced worldwide that's probably threatening many wild amphibian populations . . . Time to set my ideals and outside issues aside, though . . . The situation with alcoholism/codenpendency is more complicated (and I'm a longtime double winner). Where children are concerned, the scenario above is accurate; children are equipped with marvelous survival tactics--these can be problematic when carried into adulthood too rigidly--but a huge issue involves perceptions. Children learn that booze makes daddy (or mommy) unreliable, but they see the codependent act crazy without apparent cause. This creates children who live in a "hyper-vigilant" state with big time trust issues; they learn it's not safe to ask for help, and they are drawn to individuals from similar backgrounds . . . Recovery involves being willing to change those dynamics ("Take contrary action," my first Al-Anon sponsor said) and challenge the dysfunctional rules that take on the force of law when they actually have no legitimacy whatsover. That's a lot of work, which is why there are so many plateaus in recovery. Just last week I attended a memorial service for a tragic suicide victim. A longtime friend of mine--both were gay, and my friend had been to lots of Al-Anon--said she'd spent the last year trying to keep our friend alive in spite of the horrific depression that led to the suicide . . . So I asked my friend how she was doing (she'd had problems in the past as well) . . . She said she was fine . . . There's a lesson there. People do become shell-shocked by the chaos and drama, and that actually "feels normal" to them, no matter how bizarre it appears to outsiders . . . Part of the "trick of recovery" is to step back and look matters over objectively (including one's own role) and start taking little tiny steps toward the beautiful world out there that really does exist when one is willing to forego the drama . . . Not easy, but worthwhile . . . It often involves a lot of grief and other issues, but the strength of the Fellowships is we don't walk this path alone . . . And a brief moment of silence for an old AA sponsor of mine, Joe M., who noted, "One of the meanest things we alcoholics ever do to an Al-Anon is to get sober."