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DaVinci2 · 03-08-2007, 08:53 PM

This is for my wife:

We both work full-time. Her mother lives with us because she is unable to care for herself. We don't need a full-time nurse (Or at least we can't afford one). Her mother has Parkinsons Syndrome, so her legs don't work well. We don't want her cleaning for 2 reasons, the first is that she can't clean well (Perhaps her eyesight) and the second is if she falls down we're worried. We don't get home until later in the evening, so if something happens it will take forever to get to her. We'd rather she just exercise on by sitting and standing, and walking around the house, along with any other hobbies she wants to do to keep herself busy. She's certainly not 'out of it'.

Anyways, onto my wife. Even with both of us working full-time, she feels that she has to clean. She refuses to take time for herself. I clean as much as I can without going insane. Living in Japan, apartments collect dust like crazy. If we completely clean the apartment, it stays that way for about 4 or 5 days. Because of work, we just CAN'T keep up. My wife gets so frustrated that she will break down and cry. I won't...because I feel as though I deserve a day to myself or to NOT have to worry about cleaning or work. My mother has often given my wife advice "Go out, have a coffee, bring your favorite book with you. Go out for dinner, watch a movie, come home and relax. You deserve at least a day to yourself without worrying about anything else around you." My wife understands the idea, but can't seem to apply it to her life. I often get home before her and try to make the apartment presentable enough so she can sit down, have a glass of wine with dinner and just relax. BUT she'll get up, walk by something, and just FEEL as though SHE has to clean it. She never puts it on anyone but herself. She says she feels that if she takes the day to herself she feels guilty.

I know this may be a bad thing to say, but at first I thought that maybe these outburst (Her suddenly crying and feeling frustrated with the apartment) was just that time of the month. However, I don't think it's that. We don't have a large apartment, but we have quite a bit of 'stuff'. She wants to throw everything away, and I'm sure if she new she could, she would. We'd have a table and a few chairs. I always say "We won't live in an apartment forever. Soon enough we won't have enough stuff to fill in the empty space." She knows that this is true, but she's still frustrated, cries, and just can't control how she feels.

The doctor she visited (After I persuaded her to go) said that she "...just needed to relax." Or "...quit your job and be a stay at home wife." Not exactly the advice or help I was looking for.

Anyway, any advice?

03-08-2007, 08:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
DaVinci2 Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Japan Posts: 219	Need to clean / getting angry This is for my wife: We both work full-time. Her mother lives with us because she is unable to care for herself. We don't need a full-time nurse (Or at least we can't afford one). Her mother has Parkinsons Syndrome, so her legs don't work well. We don't want her cleaning for 2 reasons, the first is that she can't clean well (Perhaps her eyesight) and the second is if she falls down we're worried. We don't get home until later in the evening, so if something happens it will take forever to get to her. We'd rather she just exercise on by sitting and standing, and walking around the house, along with any other hobbies she wants to do to keep herself busy. She's certainly not 'out of it'. Anyways, onto my wife. Even with both of us working full-time, she feels that she has to clean. She refuses to take time for herself. I clean as much as I can without going insane. Living in Japan, apartments collect dust like crazy. If we completely clean the apartment, it stays that way for about 4 or 5 days. Because of work, we just CAN'T keep up. My wife gets so frustrated that she will break down and cry. I won't...because I feel as though I deserve a day to myself or to NOT have to worry about cleaning or work. My mother has often given my wife advice "Go out, have a coffee, bring your favorite book with you. Go out for dinner, watch a movie, come home and relax. You deserve at least a day to yourself without worrying about anything else around you." My wife understands the idea, but can't seem to apply it to her life. I often get home before her and try to make the apartment presentable enough so she can sit down, have a glass of wine with dinner and just relax. BUT she'll get up, walk by something, and just FEEL as though SHE has to clean it. She never puts it on anyone but herself. She says she feels that if she takes the day to herself she feels guilty. I know this may be a bad thing to say, but at first I thought that maybe these outburst (Her suddenly crying and feeling frustrated with the apartment) was just that time of the month. However, I don't think it's that. We don't have a large apartment, but we have quite a bit of 'stuff'. She wants to throw everything away, and I'm sure if she new she could, she would. We'd have a table and a few chairs. I always say "We won't live in an apartment forever. Soon enough we won't have enough stuff to fill in the empty space." She knows that this is true, but she's still frustrated, cries, and just can't control how she feels. The doctor she visited (After I persuaded her to go) said that she "...just needed to relax." Or "...quit your job and be a stay at home wife." Not exactly the advice or help I was looking for. Anyway, any advice?