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Originally Posted by try try again  I'm so scared that I don't even know what to say. Just the thought of posting has me about to start crying. I've been in love with a drunk/addict for over twenty years and let me tell you I'm a very sick cookie. I recently asked him to leave for the good of my kids and myself, because he was becoming violent and just plain stupid again. The problem is I can't function without him (or at least I don't think I can). I'm finishing a bachelors degree soon and would love to run away, but part of me knows that I can't stay away from him. My drunk is my addiction and I don't know how to recover from him or even if I should. Am I co-dependant? I'm sure I am, but I'm a full time college student and mother and live in a small town and my kids are already alone too much now that their Dads gone, so I can't drive to a meeting, or even probably find one near here I can make it to on a regular basis. Plus, it scares me because I've tried it before and I replaced my addiction with an addiction for meetings and met a lot more loser guys there and screwed my life up worse than it was already. Any suggestions? Or should I just give up and give in to y incredibly screwed up life and the fact that I will never be successful? |
Welcome Try,
As has been said, you will find understanding, love, and help here at SR. First thing I'd suggest is to slow down, take a deep breath, and know that it's going to be okay. You do not have to take that kind of abuse from anyone. You're probably feeling trapped right now with no way out. We can assure you there is a way out.
You probably feel that this is all your fault. It's not!! You may have put up with this a little too long, but you can change that now. The most important thing for you to do is to think about your well-being and that of your children. It's wonderful you are completing your education. That alone will give you a sense of independence.
This guy you're with cares nothing about you. He's feeding his addiction. He uses your vulnerability as a mechanism to feel better about himself. He knows that he has some control over you. But you can be a different person and live a happy and productive life without him.
There is a forum on this site for Friends and Family of Alcoholic and Addicts. I know you will find a lot of support there. The folks on that Forum have either gone through or are going through the same thing you are.
I'm not suggesting that you leave here and go there. I'm suggesting that you use all the resources available on this site to get help.
We will be here when you need us and remember, you are not alone. You deserve a much better life. We'll help you find it.
Big hug,
EH