[try try again]

I'm so scared that I don't even know what to say. Just the thought of posting has me about to start crying. I've been in love with a drunk/addict for over twenty years and let me tell you I'm a very sick cookie. I recently asked him to leave for the good of my kids and myself, because he was becoming violent and just plain stupid again. The problem is I can't function without him (or at least I don't think I can). I'm finishing a bachelors degree soon and would love to run away, but part of me knows that I can't stay away from him. My drunk is my addiction and I don't know how to recover from him or even if I should. Am I co-dependant? I'm sure I am, but I'm a full time college student and mother and live in a small town and my kids are already alone too much now that their Dads gone, so I can't drive to a meeting, or even probably find one near here I can make it to on a regular basis. Plus, it scares me because I've tried it before and I replaced my addiction with an addiction for meetings and met a lot more loser guys there and screwed my life up worse than it was already. Any suggestions? Or should I just give up and give in to y incredibly screwed up life and the fact that I will never be successful?