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Some of the things listed by Eire Rose...are things that some people do who don't have borderline PD too.

Tryingtolive...

I see SO many of my same issues in what you've posted here.

I'm overly paranoid these days about people talking about me (part of my bipolar and my co-dependency issues, and partly human nature)

I'm a HUGE people pleaser (comes from my codie issues and being human).

I'm always trying to figure out what people are thinking about me and sometimes even what people are thinking about others around me. I often create almost entire dialogues of what "might" have been said or done (part codie, part bipolar issues and part human nature).

I'm extremely uncomforatable in social situations. When I don't know anyone or only a few -- that's the hardest for me. (there's actually something called Social Anxiety Disorder...but in mild and moderate forms this same thing can come as part of many other illnesses and even personalities).

Everyone has thoughts about who would come to their funeral if they died - don't they?! Suicidal thoughts and thinking along these lines is more serious and speaks to the depression you're going through and shouldn't be dismissed. Please make sure you have someone to talk to regularly who has a background in professional counseling.

We all want to be liked. (human nature)

Low self-esteem...well I don't think mine is low...I THINK MINE IS EMPTY!! (this also can come from a variety of things, but the main one that sticks out to me is codie issues, but depression makes low self-esteem even lower)

we ALL compare ourselves to others! And especially when we are feeling low and in a depression. It's one of the bigger things I struggle with.

Because I've spent most of my life tearing myself apart...it's not that hard to pull others apart as it's almost second nature in my mind. But ...as you, I'm not that kind of person. I rarely do lash out and when I do, I usually realize it and appologize or stop myself as I've learned to do. MOST IMPORTANTLY HERE ....is that the fact that you care about other people's feelings and you care so much about if people like you or are talking bad about you and are wanting to please people......that's the OPPOSITE of Borderline Personality Disorder!

I'm 30 and still trying to figure out who I am!!!! If your 60 and still sometimes wonder who you are...then perhaps it's time to look deeper into that as it's human nature to learn more about who each of us are as we grow older. (so I chalk this one up to human nature too)

I've got TONs and TONs of brain fog (which can come with both my bipolar disorder and the ADD/ADHD -- I have a dual diagnosis of both, so together they make LOTS of fog!)

If you pop pimples to the point of it being a near-daily thing that you do for any real lenght of time to where ends up tearing your skin apart...that is self-injury. (I've done this since the 5th grade...with it having gotten worse over the years).

And it's totally normal to look to others to see if you notice mood or personality disorders in them. That is what you have been focusing on so much lately and that is where your thoughts are. If you had a mole or freckle that you found out to be cancerous and started learning about skin cancer....then you'd be looking at everyone's freakles and moles!!! It's just a natural human thing that you are doing by trying to figure out other people in relation to yourself.

Mostly, I think the main issues standing in your way right now could be the similar to mine right now which is:

Anxiety
Depression
Low Self-Esteem
Frustration
Fear (of what is to happen next)

And none of these are solely symptoms of any specific disorder....and in fact can all just be symptoms of life in their mild forms. Psychology is a mixed bag of guesses...even for the docs. It's a matter of pulling out one hat at a time and trying them on until finding the one that seems to fit the best out of the rest.

Again, You could probably benefit from having a psychologist administer an in-depth, diagnostic evaluation. And there's never any harm in having more than one done to see if different doctors agree or come to the same conclusions.

You are on a good track with wanting so many answers...Don't stop asking question, but just try not to let yourself get to overwhelmed by "what you do" or "what you don't" have. It's MORE IMPORTANT to live your life as best you can -- rather than worry yourself sick trying to figure out what may or may not be wrong with it.


Giant Hugs,
Jenna