SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Husband thinking of drinking again after 15 years sober

Barto · 03-06-2007, 08:39 AM

What do you mean when you say he was very active in AA? Do you mean that he went to lots of meetings? I can only venture a guess as to what the problem may be because I don’t know your / his actual situation, but there are commonalities between sober members of AA, and defined stages that most seem to go through.

What usually happens is the AA member gets tired of going to meetings. He gets tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. He feels he is not getting anything out of the meetings. And this may be true for him right now, but the reason maybe that he is looking to get something out of the meetings. In my opinion this is a perspective issue and is likely the result of not taking, or stopping to work, the steps (which too many actually never even take). We are taught that there comes a time in sobriety that we have to “give it away to keep it.” We have to be of service. The solution is in the steps, not in the meetings (although the meetings are excellent for us). Has he taken the steps? Is he still taking them (10,11,&12)? Maybe it is time to go back to step four again.

The above is just FYI. You cannot make him do anything he doesn’t want to do, or see anything he doesn’t want to see. However, I agree with the above post, that alanon may be a good place for you to go to learn to deal with the disease of alcoholism (also a family disease I hear told).

03-06-2007, 08:39 AM	#3 (permalink)
Barto Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Righthere, Rightnow Posts: 1,497	Fyi What do you mean when you say he was very active in AA? Do you mean that he went to lots of meetings? I can only venture a guess as to what the problem may be because I don’t know your / his actual situation, but there are commonalities between sober members of AA, and defined stages that most seem to go through. What usually happens is the AA member gets tired of going to meetings. He gets tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. He feels he is not getting anything out of the meetings. And this may be true for him right now, but the reason maybe that he is looking to get something out of the meetings. In my opinion this is a perspective issue and is likely the result of not taking, or stopping to work, the steps (which too many actually never even take). We are taught that there comes a time in sobriety that we have to “give it away to keep it.” We have to be of service. The solution is in the steps, not in the meetings (although the meetings are excellent for us). Has he taken the steps? Is he still taking them (10,11,&12)? Maybe it is time to go back to step four again. The above is just FYI. You cannot make him do anything he doesn’t want to do, or see anything he doesn’t want to see. However, I agree with the above post, that alanon may be a good place for you to go to learn to deal with the disease of alcoholism (also a family disease I hear told).