|
I am working on this step... right now... for me I can buy that if I can't do it... something greater than me could... but I have to ACCEPT that I am insane...
My sponser says insanity is like a person who is burned by the flame... and keeps sticking there hand in the fire to see if it will burn them...
Ouch that hurts...
hm... let me try that again... ouch...
hm... let me try that again... ouch...
hm... let me try that again... ouch...
hm... let me try that again... ouch...
hmmm... maybe if I drink O'douls every other beer. OUCH
hmmm... maybe if I drink vodka I will moderate... OUCH OUCH OUCH
hmmm... Maybe if I .... etc...
hmmm... this time I will have more will power to just have 1 or 2 drinks... OUCH
etc...
when he put it that way... I had to stop and think... how many times had I told myself I wasn't going to drink but did... or said I would only have one or 2... which turned into 8 or more... how many times had I agreed to be designated driver intending to only have a beer or two when we first get there then water the rest of the night and ended up being the drunkest one when it was time to leave...
How many times had I vowed I would never drink and drive again... and then the next time be pirate driving again (where you cover one eye like a pirate patch so you can tell which double yellow line you need to stay left of)...
How insane it is that you have a name for driving with one eye closed and you buddies know what it is when you use your made up term...
AND FINALLY what sane person passes out drunk... trying to read there kid a bed time story...
was I insane... um... when I drank YES... and now I have to work on truly believing a higher power can restore me to sanity...
__________________
--- I pray that I don't forget what it was like to be newly sober. ---
|