Hi, Trying;
Alcohol is a depressant. You were taking an anti-depressant. So, yes, the alcohol did indeed nulify the effect of the anti-depressant. I have been on paxil and wellbutrin in the past. I take nothing today, but, it's been many years since I first needed it.
But, meds only go so far. It's important that we do positive things for ourselves too. Meds get us stabilized so that we can learn to cope more effectively.
We need to care for ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Everyday if we want to feel well. We have to eat right and exercise; do yoga and self affirmations; learn new things and renew our contact with our G*D of our understanding and/or meditate. By doing this things we are living a full life; one that will feel "normal." (Whatever that is, lol!)
While it's true that some people need to be on medication for the rest of their lives, many do not. Sometimes, we need that hand up to get us back to where we belong. Living life on life's terms.
As far as those things you are experiencing, many on the alcohol forums would relate to them. Are you an alcoholic? Only you can decide. But, if you are or not, you need to realize that drinking will really interfer with becoming mentally healthy.
I look forward to getting to know you as we both work on our recovery.
Shalom!