[laurie6781]

MJS congrats on your sober and clean time.

First let me ask......are you attending any AA and/or NA meetings? Let me tell you a little bit about me.

For the first 6 months of recovery I attended AA. No I didn't work the program. I just went to meetings. I was so sick I didn't know I was depressed, lol. Why did I attend meetings? Well, because there I felt SAFE. I was so FULL OF FEAR that I would drink and/or use again, but with the people in the meetings I felt SAFE.

I also went to the meetings after the meetings (in the coffee shops, lol). I started to get to know some of the people and make some new sober friends.

Talking with and comparing notes with others who had been where I was or were still where I was helped so much. Got lots of 'common sense' suggestions to help me through. When the "fog" and "mush" started to clear from my brain at about 6 months was when I started being able to comprehend somewhat what the 12 step program was all about and make an attempt to work it.

I unfortunately, didn't get professional help until I was 9 years sober after I went TOTALLY INSANE, SOBER. Then I got a full fledged pysch Dr. who was very experienced in working with those in addiction.

Even with my pysch dr. I found that she could really only SUGGEST. I was the one that had to do the WORK. I was the one who had to make the changes. I was the one who physically had to change an action, so the right thinking could follow. You know, act into good thinking, not think into good actions, lol.

Only you know if you can give this therapist more of your time or not. Some of us have gone through many therapist, councilors, and pysch dr's until we have found one that we "CLICK" with.

It might also be interesting for you to know that the decision is still out whether most of us with addictions, were chronically depressed or bi-polar and used the alcohol and/or drugs to self medicate to function in a world we did not fit, or if..............the alcohol and/or drugs caused the depression and/or bi-polar.

In my case, I NOW KNOW I was depressed from child on, that chronic depression runs in the family. I was also 'manic depressive' (bi-polar) from child on but not to a severe degree. (Cyling was not chronic or constant but did and still does occur occasionally).

There is no magic cure, and i have to say also, it took almost 5 years of trying different anti D's to find the ones that worked the best for me, with the most minimal side affects.

So with the above being said, it still falls back into your lap as to what you feel you are capable of doing to Help Yourself.

Please know thought that we are here for you, and can certainly understand the abyss you are in right now. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care!

Love and hugs,