If nothing changes, nothing changes! Don't go back, move forwards. You're hurting yourself and everyone in your life. Do you think that's fair? Amanda, you need serious help.
AND YOU NEED TO TAKE THAT HELP SERIOUSLY!
Your life is F*cked up because you continue to let it be F*cked up. Either sh!t or get off the pot.
We care about you. And it hurts us to see you suffer like this.