 courage
i lost my courage to post back. i feel so weak. i have been practicing insanity.
doing the same,hoping for different results, but i know better.
not much has changed. i went back to my home group one time a couple of weeks ago. disappeared again.
i just feel overwhelmed.........mentall illness, addiction, finances, abandonment
issues. i know this is self dxing- but i've researched BPD. it's me in a nutshell.
i feel unfixable, hence still using, covering and living in fear.
it's still crack, and i'm scrapping that pipe i sold myself to.
how do i stop and fix me at the same time?
i am forcing myself to go to the 11 am meeting. 6 hours from now.
and i'm seeing my ex bf tomorrow, trying to be friends or something? i'm cutting his hair for him. terrified i will break down in front of him. i'm heartbroken and co-dependent. he knows i relasped, but no one has any idea the extent.
so if it's okay, i'm asking for extra courage from you guys.
i promise to reply..........i read all the time.
thanks for being there
tex
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