Cat -
Very sorry to hear of your struggles, girl. But first, rest assured that you are not alone in feeling alone. lol Second, rest assured that people all the time overcome, cope with, deal with, and heal old pains. People fail, they slip and they fall. All the time. For such is to be human and not divine.
Hey.
I once had a daggone sponsor in AA, eleven years sober. He agreed to an oral surgery procedure the doctors wanted to do on him and it went wrong. He wound up with two things: A longer recovery and a permanent lisp.
So.... he rebelled. You know. Against life.
It was all too hard. It was too much. And damnit to hell,
it was not fair!
So he got high on his pain medications, even wound up guzzling an alcohol-based rinse he was prescribed. He fell off his wagon pretty hard, was deeply depressed - but that didn't stop this man from taking help, picking up another white chip, and keeping on keeping on.
That was over 15 years ago, the dude is now in his 60s, he is a picture of great mental health, and
lives to help others.
. . .There should always be hope, Cat. If you're unable to muster it, I urge you to read the link below. I don't know that suicide is on your mind -you never said as much- but the link below is still filled with good stuff. If you haven't paid it any attention before, please read it
all. It's a great post, it really is.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/1206057-post1.html
Ten