SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Someone please read...I just need some help

shutterbug · 02-09-2007, 11:35 PM

Hi BeautifulChaos7 and welcome to SR...

i'd like to address several points in your post:

1. A lot of us learn quickly in life how to put on that face to 'appear' all is right as rain, when we are falling apart....has little to do with mental illness and more to do with coping skills learned throughout our lives.

2. Intense mood swings are very much a part of bipolar as are the quick swings from high to low...there are 3 types of bipolar and you are describing a rapid cycler like myself. I've gone from talking and thinking a mile a minute to going near comatose and studdering, barely able to finish a thought or sentence .... and all in the same sentence. Like a flip of a light switch...and it happened about 20 times that day. That was the most extreme i've ever dealt with because usually I cycle like a sliding scale....back and forth, up and down and only when the tears start rolling after me laughing not long before do I even realize i've cycled.

3. I have tons of paranoia...some warrented, some not really, but many bipolars deal with it as well....and some can have episodes of psychosis -- which is why those often are mis-diagnosed as being psychotic.

4. Fear of abandonment - i've heard it mentioned in connection with BPD, but more so it is a common issue with co-dependents....and there are tons of us running around in the world. Look to your family and personal history. Look for substance abuse issues like alcohol or drugs...or gambling or any other major issues among your relatives. I'm also betting you've had some abuse issues as a child or young adult. These are all breeding grounds for co-dependency and that affects our lives and our happiness in so many undescribable ways....including strong fear of abandonment. And even more so if like me and you actually had an absent parent growing up and there was no 'real' reason for them to not be in your life. Same goes for the betrayal....it comes from the same roots.

5. BPD is more like YOU haveing trouble feeling love or caring for others...not the way you describe of having trouble feeling loved by them. I may be off on this one, but it seems to me that you are dealing with issues of self-worth and truely not believing you are lovable and that people can actually love you UNLESS they are constantly affirming that to you. I know this all too well. That isn't BPD....this again goes back to codie issues of lack of self-worth through your own eyes, but instead needing it through others. It's hard to get our heads wrapped around the concept of co-dependency at first as we have lived our whole lives with all this 'stinking, thinking' that we just accept it as normal.

6. It's also natural to focus more on what a person has done that has injured you than to keep fresh all the good things they've done. It's a way of self-preservation. If the bad things didn't stand out to us then we would keep getting hurt over and over by the same people doing the same things. It's up to you to decide the level of the wrong and if it is something you can forgive the person for or not. If not, then that's not a bad thing...it just means you have strict bounderies as a protection mechinism for yourself. The bounderies may be too tight, but that can be worked on easier than tightening up loose boundaries, in my opinion.

7. Cutting - don't think of it as a bad habit, but rather an unhealthy coping skill you've developed. It's a way of releaving the pain you have inside by focusing on physical pain. In my case of self-injuring it's also the way that I confirm all those old horrible messages I got growing up that I am worthless and deserving of punishment. On the other side, it's also a way I give myself the attention i don't get from those i need it from (or did growing up). It has become a type of nurturing for me. It's natural TO ME, but very unhealthy and something i still struggle with and which escelates when i'm stressed and depressed. I also don't tend to feel the physical pain when I self-injure....we become numb to it somehow.

7. Advice....continue learning about the roots of what all you are dealing with...the more you learn about everything the more you can learn to work around it or even let some of it help you in your life (I know that sounds odd, i'm sure, but my bipolar disorder has naturally provided me with gifts I wouldn't have otherwise....but it took me a long while to recognize and accept this part). See a therapist you feel good about...as often as possible. Work on your self esteem and self-worth. Take any meds you are prescribed...as they are prescribed. And excersize can be as affective as meds...especially when depressed (which is also the hardest time to make yourself be active). It doesn't take a lot either....just 30 minutes of walking a day (3 days or more a week). AND watch your sleeping...too much or too little sleep can accompany the depression. No sleep or very little for more than a day or two often comes with the mania. And be mindful that bipolars are easily irritable in either mood state (and especially if experiencing a mixed episode).

Group therapy can be miraculous for helping bipolars and co-dependents alike. Alanon is a place that can help teach about codie issues. DBSA (Depression Bipolar Support Alliance) has group meetings weekly all over the country and I think their website is www.dbsa.org. Also check out www.nami.org (national alliance of mental illness).

Hope I haven't overwhelmed you with all of this....it's just great that you are getting treatment and diagnosis while still in your teenage years...it can greatly enhance the quality of life during your 20s and 30s to know what you are dealing with. Also, be careful of addiction issues....we are easily addicted to any number of things.

Hugs and welcome...glad you found SR,
Jenna

Well....I don't know what anyone can do about it but if you have any advice please feel free to share it with me...i need it! Thank you so much!

~BeautifulChaos7~[/QUOTE]

02-09-2007, 11:35 PM	#6 (permalink)
shutterbug A picture's worth a 1000 words Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder Posts: 2,947 Blog Entries: 5	Hi BeautifulChaos7 and welcome to SR... i'd like to address several points in your post: 1. A lot of us learn quickly in life how to put on that face to 'appear' all is right as rain, when we are falling apart....has little to do with mental illness and more to do with coping skills learned throughout our lives. 2. Intense mood swings are very much a part of bipolar as are the quick swings from high to low...there are 3 types of bipolar and you are describing a rapid cycler like myself. I've gone from talking and thinking a mile a minute to going near comatose and studdering, barely able to finish a thought or sentence .... and all in the same sentence. Like a flip of a light switch...and it happened about 20 times that day. That was the most extreme i've ever dealt with because usually I cycle like a sliding scale....back and forth, up and down and only when the tears start rolling after me laughing not long before do I even realize i've cycled. 3. I have tons of paranoia...some warrented, some not really, but many bipolars deal with it as well....and some can have episodes of psychosis -- which is why those often are mis-diagnosed as being psychotic. 4. Fear of abandonment - i've heard it mentioned in connection with BPD, but more so it is a common issue with co-dependents....and there are tons of us running around in the world. Look to your family and personal history. Look for substance abuse issues like alcohol or drugs...or gambling or any other major issues among your relatives. I'm also betting you've had some abuse issues as a child or young adult. These are all breeding grounds for co-dependency and that affects our lives and our happiness in so many undescribable ways....including strong fear of abandonment. And even more so if like me and you actually had an absent parent growing up and there was no 'real' reason for them to not be in your life. Same goes for the betrayal....it comes from the same roots. 5. BPD is more like YOU haveing trouble feeling love or caring for others...not the way you describe of having trouble feeling loved by them. I may be off on this one, but it seems to me that you are dealing with issues of self-worth and truely not believing you are lovable and that people can actually love you UNLESS they are constantly affirming that to you. I know this all too well. That isn't BPD....this again goes back to codie issues of lack of self-worth through your own eyes, but instead needing it through others. It's hard to get our heads wrapped around the concept of co-dependency at first as we have lived our whole lives with all this 'stinking, thinking' that we just accept it as normal. 6. It's also natural to focus more on what a person has done that has injured you than to keep fresh all the good things they've done. It's a way of self-preservation. If the bad things didn't stand out to us then we would keep getting hurt over and over by the same people doing the same things. It's up to you to decide the level of the wrong and if it is something you can forgive the person for or not. If not, then that's not a bad thing...it just means you have strict bounderies as a protection mechinism for yourself. The bounderies may be too tight, but that can be worked on easier than tightening up loose boundaries, in my opinion. 7. Cutting - don't think of it as a bad habit, but rather an unhealthy coping skill you've developed. It's a way of releaving the pain you have inside by focusing on physical pain. In my case of self-injuring it's also the way that I confirm all those old horrible messages I got growing up that I am worthless and deserving of punishment. On the other side, it's also a way I give myself the attention i don't get from those i need it from (or did growing up). It has become a type of nurturing for me. It's natural TO ME, but very unhealthy and something i still struggle with and which escelates when i'm stressed and depressed. I also don't tend to feel the physical pain when I self-injure....we become numb to it somehow. 7. Advice....continue learning about the roots of what all you are dealing with...the more you learn about everything the more you can learn to work around it or even let some of it help you in your life (I know that sounds odd, i'm sure, but my bipolar disorder has naturally provided me with gifts I wouldn't have otherwise....but it took me a long while to recognize and accept this part). See a therapist you feel good about...as often as possible. Work on your self esteem and self-worth. Take any meds you are prescribed...as they are prescribed. And excersize can be as affective as meds...especially when depressed (which is also the hardest time to make yourself be active). It doesn't take a lot either....just 30 minutes of walking a day (3 days or more a week). AND watch your sleeping...too much or too little sleep can accompany the depression. No sleep or very little for more than a day or two often comes with the mania. And be mindful that bipolars are easily irritable in either mood state (and especially if experiencing a mixed episode). Group therapy can be miraculous for helping bipolars and co-dependents alike. Alanon is a place that can help teach about codie issues. DBSA (Depression Bipolar Support Alliance) has group meetings weekly all over the country and I think their website is www.dbsa.org. Also check out www.nami.org (national alliance of mental illness). Hope I haven't overwhelmed you with all of this....it's just great that you are getting treatment and diagnosis while still in your teenage years...it can greatly enhance the quality of life during your 20s and 30s to know what you are dealing with. Also, be careful of addiction issues....we are easily addicted to any number of things. Hugs and welcome...glad you found SR, Jenna Well....I don't know what anyone can do about it but if you have any advice please feel free to share it with me...i need it! Thank you so much! ~BeautifulChaos7~[/QUOTE] __________________ I'M FINE!! Fanatically Insecure Neuratic & Emotional Bipolar/Depression support: 1-800-950-NAMI(6264).