Anaya

*New* Step Study for Codependents - excellent source to self-working the steps: I found this and the link (sticky topic) but can't get in.

Thanks in advance for suggestions.

Anaya

Thanks to Morning Glory, I was able to hook up and start reading.

Excerpt from step 1: "We may deprive ourselves so badly our martyrdom and self sacrifice create ongoing feelings of victimization. We may allow others to victimize us; we may victimize ourselves. We may subject ourselves unnecessarily to other people and their inappropriate, abusive, or out-of-control behaviors. We may feel victimized by our inability to set the boundaries we need to set."

I read this paragraph more than once to let it sink in and to remind myself "subject ourselves unnecessarily." This helps me gain perspective.

Ann

I think this is the link you want, I'll test it and make sure it works here.

And yes, Melodie Beattie writes the best Step Studies ever, I used them at least once a year to keep my program and my recovery fresh.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ependents.html

Anaya

Continuing with work today on recovery and healing, and when looking for ideas to help with coping, I ended up at this forum and again read posts here.

An article (5 Ways of Dealing with Verbally Abusive Relationships - HealthyPlace ) I also found today suggests constructive steps and helpful info on setting boundaries. The message is comforting and encouraging.

Visualizing my HP being there, rooting for me and prodding me on, helps as well.

I will be strong and focused today.

Anaya

Today, I am thankful to realize that setting and keeping boundaries has resulted in opening up many new opportunities for me to move away from the past, to enjoy life as it is unfolding now, relishing each day on this new journey.

I am grateful to my HP for grace and comfort.

peacelovesober

Oh my. You know I guess this is the first time that I have actually sat down and read the steps in consideration of my own issue with co-dependency. I have been in AA due to my own issues and wished that my AH would work them, but its time I start for me. I know that I will find that here. The biggest thing that I need assistance with is setting boundaries. I am starting today and am so gald you re posted this.

Anaya

Nice to read your share, peacelovesober. I am happy for you and wish you success on your journey.

As far as attending meetings, I haven't for some time, I am remiss.

I had shared in a post above, 'Excerpt from step 1: "We may deprive ourselves so badly our martyrdom and self sacrifice create ongoing feelings of victimization. ' That is significant and has been an eye opener that brings a different perspective to me. I recognize how I often would fall into seeing myself as a victim and that I can change that.

peacelovesober

This is an eye opener. I heard someone say the other day we settle into one of two mindsets. That of a VICTim or VICTor, I identify completely with the martyr complex, as there have been many times that I have not even felt that I could change the oil in the car, but have to make sure AH has his "needs met". I have also come to realize that as long as I am willing to sacrifice my own needs AH will have a constant stream of un met needs that will always find a place for whatever money he sees as available. Over the course of the last 8 months I have made leaps and bounds of progress in this area.

I got a haircut and a new pair of $10 flip flops......and this may not sound like much but I had become such a miser that he was spending hundreds if not thousands of dollars a month and I was living on nothing. Thank God for the awakening. It has been a slower epiphany than I would ever have imagined, but I am getting better.

In December he got out of rehab and we moved back in together after two years apart. I regret that decision most days, but every now and then we have a "normal" moment and I hang on. I do not see things changing as he is still using and promising the next last time, but at least I have started to understand that I can take care of me.

I am so thankful you guys reposted this I needed to start the steps so I am digging in. Wish me luck. !

Anaya

Best wishes, peacelovesober, and thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Anaya

"STEP 2

Came to Believe that a power great than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

I have come to trust that my HP will guide me to a more sane existence.

Anaya

The VICTim or VICTor mindset you point out is significant; I recognize that I've "lived in" the victim mindset.

Also, I am aware I've been isolating, it's not healthy, and I want to get away from that.

One positive I've done this week is to search for CoDA meetings in my area. I've found a local group that meets weekly. Now I have to commit and get myself there!

clem24

Nice! Thanks for this.