bookmaven

Do any of you go to Codependent Anonymous?

Or are you mostly AlAnon/NarAnon?

I would just like to connect with any other Codependents who believe that there is more to it than alcohol or whatever.

Ann

CoDA was my home group for over 10 years until we moved north where there aren't any CoDA meetings. It was a wonderful group in Toronto, 20-30 people at each meeting and very supportive strong group.

I also went to Al-anon and like it but CoDA was just a better fit for me.

PurpleWilder

Me, me, me! I go every Wednesday night and sometimes hit a meeting on the weekends as well. I have been attending for 1 year and 2 months.

CoDA has changed my life. I used to go to Alanon meetings, but I always felt it was a bit of an ill fit as well. My problems started in my family of origin and colored every relationship I had since childhood. My relationship with an addict/narcissist was a symptom of my dysfunctionality and not the root cause.

With CoDA, I am happy for the first time ever. I love it!

bookmaven

I just picked up the book "Facing Codependence" by Pia Mellody. I highly recommend it.

I had no idea my FOO was so dysfunctional, and that some things I thought were "normal" are actually considered abuse.

There are so many things in that book I could relate to it was like she was telling my story. For some reason every time I've tried to read that other book, Codependent No More, I end up loosing interest.

Do you have any books that helped you?

Ann

I too loved that book by Pia Melody, but for me "Codependent No More" was the most helpful and one I read over and over as I worked my recovery, slowly eliminating some of the behaviours on the list. Also, "The Language of Letting Go", also by Melody Beattie was a daily read for me and today I still go back to some of the readings that helped me most.

Dr. Wayne Dwyer has some wonderful books and speaking tapes that are powerful and soul stirring, some can be found on Youtube and others at his site...not sure of the site name but if you google his name you will find it. If you just listen to one you will see what I mean. His books are keepers and I have several I refer to periodically.

Hugs

Bekindalways

I've never quite fit into Alanon although I did date someone who became a meth addict. I left as soon as I found out he was using.

That was years ago. I am not in a relationship with a user but still struggle with boundaries, self-care and whose problems belong to whom . . . .sigh. I have loved Melody Beatie's writing.

FaithNhope12

I have been wanting to go to CODA but there aren't as many out there. I've been going to Naranon for 2 years and love it but wanted to try it since I am also a codependent

Berrybean

I've just started going to CoDa and am finding it very interesting and helpful in understanding some of the bizarre ways I react to certain situations now (in my 40's, and as I was growing up). My father was not an alcoholic, but def a problem drinker (in mum's and me and my brothers eyes at the time, even if not his own eyes). There were def issues around coldness and confused expectations, and my feeling unloved and unwanted, and what I now see as dis-functional relationships. As I approached adolescence my behaviours, which I am learning were a side affect of my experiences and of my perceptions of myself and relationships with my family were messed up. They took me to some dark and dangerous places, and I was very vulnerable to being taken advantage of sexually by adults who I trusted (I thought that these were 'relationships' at the time), and even when I was raped as a young teenager I felt the need to be secretive about this, for fear of being further ostracised by significant females in the family, and for fear of what my dad might do, as I'd been told never to let him know if someone hurt me in case he went to prison for hurting them.
Anyway - these background issues are what I am hoping to address through my CoDa work, and from the meetings I've been to, from 1:1 conversations about CoDa with a trusted fellow AAer; and reading the handbook, I am hopeful that I will be able to do this. Sorry if it was more information than you wanted, but it is the whole tangle of things that I feel makes me need to do this program.

I'm not sure that I find the meetings as good as the AA ones I attend, but then AA has more meetings and more members and is more established in my area (about 100 times more so). I do find the 12-step approach familiar and comforting, and maybe it'll just take time to get into the meetings.

The CoDa handbook is well worth reading I think - I got mine from Amazon for my Kindle. I have also ordered the CoDa workbook, which looks really useful (info about each step followed by worksheets to go through). I needed a hard copy of that though, so ordered it direct from CoDa this week. It's not here yet, but I'm looking forward to working through it.