Sunrise89

Hi everyone,

So, after 3 weeks of my AH in rehab (he's out next week). I decided to research alcoholism/12 steps/Al-anon and I reached 'that point' on the 25th March. Unfortunately, it involved watching my AH have a seizure and I just felt so powerless and insignificant - it was very traumatic. It's safe to say he was booked into rehab shortly after and he said it's the best thing he's ever done for himself and he wished he did it years ago (me too!!).

Before that event, I would do anything I could to control the situation (I'd like to think I'm not usually a control freak!) but my life became so chaotic and unpredictable that I just felt by trying to control his drinking, I was ultimately controlling our lives and I guess it made me feel safe.

I've reached the stage where no matter if my AH comes out of rehab and has 20 beers, that's HIS choice. I'm powerless over his actions and addiction and I have accepted that so I've let go of that awful controlling feeling especially when it just feels like you're setting yourself up for failure. I've got the details for Al-anon, I want to go to my 1st meeting on Thursday as I know there is so much more to do.

Anyway, it's a huge turning point for me... I was slowly turning myself into this person I didn't like.

We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable

Sunrise89

I just don't know why I spent 6 years trying to control his drinking and consequently his behaviour....I kind of wish I woke up much earlier but atleast I've reached it

Iconoclastic

More so than AA, Al-Anon resonated with me, especially when Al-Anon lead me to ACoA (Adult Children of Alcoholics).

I admitted I was powerless over my life - that my addictions had become unmanageable....!!!

Sunrise89

I'm really interested in the 12 steps. I've had to stop myself a few times from fixing things for my AH... I'm just making him realise that he has to control his own actions from now on. It's actually so difficult to change learnt behaviours but it has definitely taught me so much. I can't believe how much anger I used to keep inside and I took every single thing he did personally.

So much healthier to just let go. I just wish the psychologist could have just woke me up years ago but again, it must be an individual thing to process and accept

HopefulinFLA

Good for you Sunrise! I remember the moment I finally understood that AH's problems were not mine to fix or control. It was so freeing for me.

I found this blog tremendously helpful back then. http://al-anonfilter.blogspot.com/?m=1

olyandstreak

Omg! I just woke up a few months ago, and really woke up in the past month! Kicked my alc out. Was sick and tired of me awaking to him sprawled on the stairs, broken bottles, "is he breathing?!" , messy crap everywhere, neighbors concerns, and me being a freaking wreck...why wont he get help?, GET help yo, am i not enough?, did i do the dishes wrong again?, oh, ill stay home again, "it's family night, (no, just making sure he wasn't drinking,) ruminating constantly, pissed off, sad, confused, weirded out, afraid of the four day hangover, or another binge to blackout, and THEN: excellent chinks of time where he was the man I loved, adored, was sooooo attracted to, our personalities like 2 peas in a pod, intelligent, funny, athletic, ate healthy, lived healthy....and as soon as i began to think he changed::::: BAMmmmmm drunk three days straight. Ugh?! Why did I think he would change cuz of me/us??? Well, because it's not how humans work. I was an enabler to 2 alcoholic significant Others. I am a co-dependent in recovery. And how quickly I've discovered i belong here, and how quickly my healing has begun. I have latched onto, and delved into the 12 Steps like my life depended upon them. And it does. 42 hears old and I'm reborn, not even 6 months old. A baby, but the gifts and miracles of Alanon are priceless, and damn if it doesn't work! I'm super calm and happy and no more anxiety, and i do ALL the bits and parts of the steps every day, have my sponsors, attend meetings, read the books, plus the non CAl books, and journal, meditate, and asked for HP to remove my faults, have made a few amends, and am working hard. And it feels wonderful and right, like i wish I had discovered this years ago. No wonder I've been "cray, cray" for so long! I even volunteer (in between jobs) every day at the big center here that helps both AA, and Alanon folks. It's wonderful to see both sides, , i love Alcoholics, in recovery, they are enigmatic, funny, politically incorrect, have great stories, but they also speak this valuable language and are working hard to overcome this Dis-Ease. As am I. I doubt, if there ever is a time I find a sig other again, if it will be a "Normie" as my life now revolves around the steps, being the best me possible, and my next life with another, well, they must be able to live and speak this language of recovery, hope, and rebirth. Have a HP, etc. What a weird life. I did not come out of the womb expecting this life, but I would not change one bit of it, as I am so alive, and i doubt I'd be able to say that without these experiences and this newfound knowledge of getting to really know myself, and better myself daily. 12 Steps of Alanon are amazing. And I'll work hard till the day I die. Thank you Alanon friends, you are dear to me.

schnappi99

Thanks Oly, really well said

I'm fortunate to have a double-winner as my alanon sponsor, thankfully his sordid past was exactly what I needed when we did my 5th step- just like it says in the BB. 2 yrs in and I'm still amazed at how accurately the AA/Alanon material describes my behavior & attitudes; I'm in it for the awakening too. I look back at memories/email archives/web stuff from a couple years ago and am glad to be out of that.