| The Final Goodbye
I said my final farewell this past weekend to my husband of over 30 years. His memorial service was held on what would have been his birthday.
Something amazing has happened that I never dreamed would ... all the years of pain and unhappiness have washed away and have been replaced with a tremendous sense of loss .... my mind is filled with so many memories of what he had been once. He had been strong, responsible, smart and capable of doing about anything he set his mind to doing - a person who took care of other people .. helped them ... not the person who eventually became helpless. The strong capable person was who he really was... underneath all the irrational behavior that slowly consumed him as he became overwhelmed by his addiction to alcohol.
He just didn't die this past month ... he had been dying a little bit each day for years. I stood by for years trying in vain everything I could to save his life ... and eventually realized that I faced a force far more powerful that anything or anyone in this earthly world. I realized I could not save him ... and my only choice was to may sure he did not destroy 3 other people while he was destroying himself - so it became necessary he live elsewhere while I tried to repair the damage as best I could to his children. He was still a part of our family, but we could only spend time together when he was sane enough to be with us.
Not just a life was lost... but a lifetime was lost... many years of happy memories were replaced with tears, confusion, lies, chaos, misery and anger. Year after year, I watched the person I married slowing dying in both spirit and body ... and this past Saturday the final chapter of his life was written with his family saying goodbye for the last time ... and missing the man he once was. He is now finally at peace.
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