Tiger Eyes

I had been reading everyone's post since the last few months of 2002, and I feel like I know everyone here already. Your stories have touched my heart, because my husband "D" of 6 years is a drug addict.

In October 2002, it was the last straw for me when he used. I had to call a suicide prevention hotline because he had hurt me so many, many, many times before, yet I stayed. (By the way, he is also on parole.) This last time he used, his parole agent decided to put him a recovery program rather than put him back in prison.

For the last 6 months, I saw him transform back to the man I first married. He kept a job steadily, made me very happy, and concentrated on this recovery. A week ago, we attended a ceremony where he received his 6 month certificate of being clean and sober, and it was his parole agent who presented it to him.

Last night, D did not come home, and his cell phone was turned off. I had not received any calls from him, the jails, the hospitals, etc. My heart is broken again, in tiny pieces, and I don't have any family or friends who understand. (I am not a drug addict so I came from a family where drugs never affected our lives.)

I don't know what to do. If I call his parole officer, he could go back to jail. If I wait it out...(he usually comes back within 3 to 4 day), I wouldn't know if anything happened to him. Everything seemed fine the last time I talked to him. It always seems to come so quickly, so unpredictably, that I could never prepare for it....

Can someone please help me find the courage to make it through this time, and the courage to finally say, "No more.." I can't do this anymore.....

Thanks for listening everyone. I will also pray for all of you...

Marissa