[Cynay]

*hugs* to you, what a hard place to be.

I personally think that crying is the begining of the healing process... for me it takes alot before I will cry. When I was a child I use to think that my mom would abuse me just to break me and see me cry... because of my stuborn nature I would not give her the satisfaction and therefore would not cry. As an adult I carry alot of that with me and Im usually unable to share my tears with another person. I have only done it a handful of times in my adult life...

What I have learned is crying for me is a surrender of the pain, It's giving it up and saying Im not a rock Im a human and I cant do this alone... That is where my healing begins.

As for the marriage... Damn that one hurts. Hind sight is 20/20.... I was so torn up when my ex and I seperated, he was one month sober and 13th stepped with a gal at his meetings... Looking back on things now I can clearly see that God was doing for me what I could not do for myself. I would not have left that relationship and it was so toxic for me... I thank him every day that he removed me from that.

I know it hurts and you are in deep pain right now, maybe try to hold on to the faith that God has a better plan and is removing this toxic relationship so you can move on to what your really deserve...