 To My Dear Wife - 365 times.
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
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I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten
days.
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The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
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54 times the sheets were clean
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17 times it was too late
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49 times you were too tired
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20 times it was too hot
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15 times you pretended to be sleep
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22 times you had a headache
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17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
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16 times you said you were too sore
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12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
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9 times you said weren't in the mood
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7 times you were sunburned
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6 times you were watching the late show
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5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
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9 times you said your mother would hear us
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Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
because:
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6 times you just laid there
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8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
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4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
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7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
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KEEP READING.......
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TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
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I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you
didn't get more than you did:
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5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't ***
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33 times you came too soon
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19 times you went soft before you got in
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38 times you worked too late
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10 times you got cramps in your toes
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29 times you had to get up early to play golf
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2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
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4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
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3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
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2 times you had a splinter in your finger
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20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
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6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
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98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
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Of the times we did get together:
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The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the
sheets.
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I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was,
"Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to
breathe.
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Once you read this letter you have to keep it going.
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This game has been played since 1996.
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You must send this letter to 7 people.
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On the 5th day someone will ask you out or say "I love you."
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This is not a joke.
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It has worked for many years.
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If you break the chain,
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you will have bad luck with guys/girls forever.
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This is just for future readers.
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This began in 1996,not much of a past, but it works.
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So here are the rules:
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If you read this on a Sunday,wish for a good week
If you read this on a Monday, wish for money
If you read this on a Tuesday, wish for love
If you read this on a Wednesday, wish for success
If you read this on a Thursday, wish for anything you want
If you read this on a Friday, wish for a really hot date
If you read this on a Saturday, wish for an important phone call
Send this to seven people (after you make a wish).
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Make sure it is sent as soon as you read it or your wish won't come
true.
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