Quote:
Originally Posted by sketscher  I was doing so well until Christmas. I visited him.
This afternoon I went over. I look over at him and he's crying because he's listening to some song that apparently hits some nerve. I try to ignore it in order to not embarrass him. I see now just how drunk he is. But I finally hug him for comfort but he pushes me away. Few minutes later he's asking me if I've ever considered antidepressants and wondering how much the Dr. would give him. He's worried that he might die soon, he's telling me that he wishes some car would just hit him at an intersection. This is when I bolt out of the room. I should have left!!!
Instead I stay and later his mood lightens. But during this time he confesses something to me about me of an intimate nature that just set off an explosion of pain in me. He then began to yell at me that I shouldn't turn friendly advice into such an issue. He's actually shouting at me, my head collapsed into my hands I'm balling uncontrollably then I pounce on him!! I was going to wail on him but thank God as I leapt towards him I just grabbed his shoulders and begged him to stop. I was horrified at the whole episode.
I can't believe it but somehow we both settled down and I actually stayed for a long time. I explain to him, which is senseless I know since he's wasted, how I felt about his comment. Why it's so upsetting to me. How I feel so inadequate as a lover and how unappealing I feel because of my weight. His comment only damaged me further.
Wait it gets worse, for me anyway. This is where I really freak out!! we lay down and watch tv for awhile. He continues with his stupid drunken comments. His insults that he thinks are so funny. Etc. I'm laying there wondering why in the world I'm staying but by this point I'm just waiting for him to pass out so I can exit without any more drama. He starts snoring and I slip out of bed. ugh he wakes up and asks me where I'm going. I say "home to eat". He begins demanding that I make something there for both of us and "hurry because I'm (he's) hungry". HE HAS NOTHING but crackers cheese, lunch meat, oreos. I mentioned in another thread how I have gained weight over the last few months. So I started a diet again. Crackers just don't cut it for me. I need a real and balanced meal if I am going to curb my hunger. I try to explain this to him. He accuses me of being angry because I'm hungry and demands that I "get out". I'm so hurt by this, crushed that I'm expected to watch his demise and diseased behavior but he senses the slightest "problem" with me and I'm thrown out. I stand up and grab the fat on my stomach and shout through tears that I'm fat and disgusting. That I hate myself, I don't even remember what else I said. I remember him saying "well I didn't tell you to eat 10 pounds of crackers".
So to sum it up right now I feel like complete s***. I'm stunned at how much I really hate myself. He pushed my buttons and I crumbled. I didn't know I had that much self-loathing in me. I'm feeling like I do really need help now. I had such an outburst of emotion that I really don't feel normal. I'm not drinking, I really wasn't that hungry. I can only assume that I'm screwed up. |
Sorry. I dont have any warm fuzzies. I dont hug.. LOL.
What I am is confused. Tell me what this person has that you would put up with this kinda CRAP. . And being drunk is no excuse for being an ass. My husband would never get away with talking to me like that no matter how pixilated he was.
Dont let him tell you that youre "damaged" cause youre not stick thin. Real women have curves. Just because he says something doesnt make it true. Thats just his opinion. Yours is the only one that counts. Well. Except mine. LOL
Just because you happen to pick up a reject doesnt mean you have to keep it. You can toss it back and get one that works ya know. .