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Welcome sociopathalso,
You are looking at the tip of the iceberg. What I'm seeing through your whole post are coping methods that you developed as a child to cope with the abuse you went through. You say you weren't abused in any way as a child, but I would have to strongly disagree with that. You say you had repressed memories come up and there may be a lot more still hidden. I think there are many more pieces to this puzzle.
If you have the means to find a specialist who deals with dissasociative identity disorder, trauma and repressed memories I would try that. A lot of times our memories and emotions are so overwhelming that we lock them away behind a wall of defenses and coping methods. I had to become so tired that my walls came tumbling down.
I think there is a lot more inside you than you are aware of.
Many hugs,
MG
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