 Just some thoughts
Northern Light...
You have no idea the chord you struck in me when I read your post. You so strongly reminded me of my only & older sister. She has been an addict since she was in her late teens. You name it...she did/does it. She is almost 26 now and has been in denial about pretty much all of those things you claim to have refused to confront yourself. As I read your post all the way through I kept thinking to myself, what a brave person you are. The difference between you and my sister is that you are facing those things that torment your life, you are here at SR seeking out people's thoughts and advice. She, on the other hand has little to no faith in anybody, she trusts no one...Please Northern Light...don't lose trust in others.
We cannot make it through this world on our own, no matter what hill we think we can climb. You seem to be really debating going to see this doctor. I say go for it. Give it a try. We try to medicate ourselves and usually in destructive ways. We all have our own vices. I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE you to talk to this doctor...who ever they are. Listen to what they have to say, and remember, whatever they advise you to do it is coming from a biological understanding, for our physical disposition helps determine our behavior.
When they give you suggestions, research them. Inform yourself. You don't have to do what they recommend, but at least think about it all.
My sis had several opinions on her mental health that pointed in the direction of RX drugs, and she never even listened. Never once did she trust in someone else. She is still struggling at 26 to admit what you have come to terms with at 19.
My only wish for you Northern Light that you come love and enjoy your place in this universe, for you were meant to be here. Never lose hope in yourself, for yourself.
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us". -Ralph Emerson
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