Hi and welcome to Sober Recovery
God is not laughing at you...He really isn't.There is hope and there are people who care.You can make a better life for yourself.I hope you will call someone who can help you through this.Maybe the 12 step recovery groups could give you some strength for the road ahead.Call AA/Al Anon and they can direct you to meetings.There are even groups for teens.It makes a real difference when you talk with others who have been through these things.Believe me,you do not have to do this alone.
Make the call,and keep posting here.
Hugs
phoenix