SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

bunnicula · 12-19-2006, 10:45 PM

I typed and deleted so many subject headings to this thread, trying to be witty, trying to say what I'm going through in a succinct, clever little phrase, but in the end that one word says it all.

I just joined this site tonight, in an act of desparation after yet another relapse. I've been hooked on more drugs than I can name here; the worst have been percocet and lortab (perscribed after surgeries by docs who have no problem with refilling until the end of time), which I've taken on and off for the past 18 months. My highest dosage was 10-12 lortabs (Hydrocodone 10/500) a day for maybe a month or so.

I went to a doc to get off them, he perscribed me subutex. Instead of merely taking away the withdrawl, it also gave me a lovely opiate high that lasted 3-4 times longer than that of perc or lortab. I liked 'em too much, flushed the rest after a couple weeks. Went back on the lortab about 3 weeks later. Then off. Then on. Tens...dozens...lord, it feels like hundreds of times.

Alcohol has been a MAJOR problem; I never drank a lot, or every day, but when I do it alters my personality alarmingly and I get myself into awful situations I need not describe here. I haven't had a drink in two months (following a disaster at my boyfriend's sister's wedding...uuugh)

The opiates and alcohol have the most profound effect on my personality, emotional state, and life in general. Lately, however, after getting off both, I've been easing my anxiety with klonopin and lorazepam. Sure enough...now I'm hooked on those, too.

It never ends. It's a month sober, then a new drug. Or I go back to an old one. My bf has been outrageously supportive but the toll my lifestyle is taking on our six-year relationship is enough to break us both if I don't stop now. We've been to counseling, which helped tremendously. Now for the next step. I know I need to go to AA/NA, I just need some support on this forum to get me there...and let me know there really are other people out there who are struggling with the same issues and who don't get wasted at all the holiday parties.

Thanks for reading all this. Thank you for being here.

Katie

12-19-2006, 10:45 PM	#1 (permalink)
bunnicula Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Oakland, CA Posts: 8	Help I typed and deleted so many subject headings to this thread, trying to be witty, trying to say what I'm going through in a succinct, clever little phrase, but in the end that one word says it all. I just joined this site tonight, in an act of desparation after yet another relapse. I've been hooked on more drugs than I can name here; the worst have been percocet and lortab (perscribed after surgeries by docs who have no problem with refilling until the end of time), which I've taken on and off for the past 18 months. My highest dosage was 10-12 lortabs (Hydrocodone 10/500) a day for maybe a month or so. I went to a doc to get off them, he perscribed me subutex. Instead of merely taking away the withdrawl, it also gave me a lovely opiate high that lasted 3-4 times longer than that of perc or lortab. I liked 'em too much, flushed the rest after a couple weeks. Went back on the lortab about 3 weeks later. Then off. Then on. Tens...dozens...lord, it feels like hundreds of times. Alcohol has been a MAJOR problem; I never drank a lot, or every day, but when I do it alters my personality alarmingly and I get myself into awful situations I need not describe here. I haven't had a drink in two months (following a disaster at my boyfriend's sister's wedding...uuugh) The opiates and alcohol have the most profound effect on my personality, emotional state, and life in general. Lately, however, after getting off both, I've been easing my anxiety with klonopin and lorazepam. Sure enough...now I'm hooked on those, too. It never ends. It's a month sober, then a new drug. Or I go back to an old one. My bf has been outrageously supportive but the toll my lifestyle is taking on our six-year relationship is enough to break us both if I don't stop now. We've been to counseling, which helped tremendously. Now for the next step. I know I need to go to AA/NA, I just need some support on this forum to get me there...and let me know there really are other people out there who are struggling with the same issues and who don't get wasted at all the holiday parties. Thanks for reading all this. Thank you for being here. Katie