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You sound as if you are in midst of a severe depression.I've been there myself,and have wanted to die.Life has looked so bleak,that I could see no light and no hope at all.I was very fortunate to get treatment that was effective.In a matter of weeks the dark clouds began to lift and my thinking became clearer.I know that trying to get help can be frustrating.It can take time to find the right balance.But depression IS highly treatable.There is hope.
I hope you will give yourself a chance.I did.And today I have a good life,and a wonderful ten year old son who needs me very much.You see,his father died after a two year battle with lung cancer.His death could not be prevented,and when it came it was a blessed release from pain and suffering that could not be healed.
As much as I once believed that I should die...I was wrong.It was not time.I don't know you,but I hope you will take steps to at least try to find healing.Death is such a permanent thing,and problems are sometimes only temporary.Keep posting here and give yourself another chance.
phoenix
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