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bear with me because i'm so new to all this...i posted this under step 2 but thought it might fit better under step 3.
other more experienced aa'ers have pointed out to me that if i am using "something" to cope by keeping me from loneliness or anger or sadness, i'm still following the pattern of alcoholic behavior. i.e., i may not be drinking, but i am losing myself in other ways. Here are a few ways that i see myself doing this: isolating myself or keeping so busy that i don't have time to think, or procrastinating from doing an unpleasant task, or stayng on the computer instead of interacting with my family.
i guess that it is more acceptable to use other ways of coping when you are first kicking the stuff (i spent hours reading, going to meetings, going online), but now it's time that i face my life head-on and responsibly. and it's important to learn the right ways of doing it now that i'm sober.
the good thing is that most of the time i do feel able and do feel sane. but i do find myself doing things that undermine my progress--and many of those patterns of behavior i learned over time. when i finally recognize that i'm doing that, i can see that i am still living on old behaviors now that i'm sober. (that's what these long-timers i know call "insanity") i really have to learn new ways of living and new rhythms that lead me in the right direction. i guess i should say i have to seek guidance on learning new ways...darn, it's that control thing again... i keep saying "I" when it's not up to me. it's up to God and i need to ask him for help and direction and guides.
believe me, i can give my life drama and games even if i'm not using. i'm really good at creating chaos...that's what happens when my will, not God's is done.
cyn--i think i should chant your mantra for life...and ita with you too carold!
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