[Sober_John]

>>
>> Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words
>> back...or that you could crawl into a hole?
>>
>> Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> FIRST TESTIMONY:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
>> asked
>> loudly,
>>
>> "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
>>
>> I turned around and walked back out and never went back
>>
>> My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> SECOND TESTIMONY:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
>>
>> I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
>>
>> After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-l
>> ooking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
>>
>> Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with
>> men's balls."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> THIRD TESTIMONY:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
>> variety
>> of candy and nuts.
>>
>> As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked
> if
>> we needed any help.
>>
>> I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
>>
>> My sister started to laugh hysterically.
>>
>> The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
>>
>> To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> FOURTH TESTIMONY:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
> some
>> pent-up energy and ran amok.
>>
>> I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust
> and
>> annoyance from other patrons.
>>
>> I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
>> punished.
>>
>> To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
>> threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
> I
>> saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
>>
>> The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
>> tellers stopped what they were doing.
>>
>> I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
>> daughter in tow.
>>
>> The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me,
>> were screams of laughter.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> FIFTH TESTIMONY:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
>>
>> My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
> on
>> him constantly.
>>
>> One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.
>>
>> It was very busy, with a full dining room.
>>
>> While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
> checked
>> my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
>>
>> Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked
> him
>> if he needed to go, and he said "No".
>>
>> I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't
>> have
>> any clothes with me."
>>
>> Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
>>
>> "No," he replied.
>>
>> I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
> getting
>> worse.
>>
>> Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"
>>
>> This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over,
>> spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
>>
>> While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly
>> pulled up his pants and sat down.
>>
>> An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd
>> ever had!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
>>
>> and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
>>
>> in the future, likely think before she speaks.
>>
>> What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
>>
>> We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have
>> snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
>>
>> "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
>>
>> Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they
>> were
>> laughing so hard!
>>
>>
>>
>> Now, didn't that feel good?
>>
>> and remember
>>
>> we all do & say things that are innocent.