Hey Firefighter,
You're not the only guy but we're outnumbered! Ha I never mind being outnumber by women anywhere I've ever been. I feel for you, my fiance' is a highly functional alcoholic. She admitted for a bit she had a problem and stop drinking. She thought she had the problem licked and ignored our relationship councelors advise to see a councelor herself and go to AA meetings. She kept it to 2 drinks a day and some days none (that I knew of) for about a month and I actually started to believe she might have it licked. Then I started noticing her exceeding the 2 drinks a day a few times and tonight it was 4..... She's deep in denial. I LOVE her kids and I LOVE her too! I just don't think I can deal with the long hard road ahead, I think I'm throwing in the towel soon. I can't fix her and she won't fix herself. I feel so guilty but I know I need to do the right thing for me. It's just a war between my head and my heart. This is the single most agonizing dilemma of my life. I only have 3 years in with her not as many as you and your wife. If I had as much invested as you I would probably try longer! I would definately stay if she was at least trying.
I wish you luck and you will find the best friends here, we're all in the same boat. You might want to look into co-dependancy as us CDs are attracted to AHs like a moth to a flame.
Hang in there FF,
Midknight