| devastation
devastated and hopeless, sad, angry, hate and rage pain deep in my gut i want to die.
feelings i can't control.
schizoaffective bipolar addict.
lost my job, symtoms are making it too hard to work now. have to sell my house. applied for food stamps today. i'm filling out social security forms for disability. 4 hospitalzations this year, one because of a suicide attempt.
checked myself in couple weeks ago. 1 week stay, changed meds a little.
who i thought was my "it" , this boy broke up with me while i'm in the hospital. i was so depressed before that hospital stay i started skipping meetings not calling sponser. i started using again. crack. it did make me feel better. i am still using. i cut 2 days ago, and i want to do it more.
hairstylist 15 years, clients are calling-i haven't called back. i don't know what to say. why do i let myself fall in love, they always leave. i'm so pissed off that i let that happen again. i love him so much. no one except my na group knows i relasped. don't know if i can get unemployment-if ssd is approved, i think it takes 6 mo. to a year. i'll be homeless.......sorry i just had to get this out. my mom and brother are the only reasons i can't kill myself. but i think about it daily, always have.
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