Tammie,
I went through a similar agony over the meds not long ago. I stopped them altogether, thinking I didn´t need them. It was last autumn and I was busy with my film festivals, a new house, new decorations and I had just spent wonderful month in an African island I sometimes go to. I thought to myself: "I´m successful, I don´t need meds! This is rediculous, and I´m stopping right now. I threw them out.
And a funny thing happened. At first it was good and I didn´t notice anything, I was so busy. Then I starting not being able to sleep. I lay in bed till 6 AM with heart irregularities. I got checked, nothing was wrong. I started sweating all the time, so I thought, well, I´m in my forties, I might me menopausal. Had a test on that, a very specific test which tells you if you´re soon on menopause. No way, said the doc, you could have kids right now. Still a long way a way. Then I started crying for no reason. Everything was going so well, but I was dying inside. Then the suicidal thoughts started. I didn´t want to get out of bed, didn´t want to write, go to work or go being around people.
After months of this I gave up. Went to see my shrink. He gave me the meds and told me: "this was good, actually. Now you know what you have and you don´t take those meds just because I said so."
I won´t stop taking them ever. I lost valuable contacts and a valuable friendship during this episode. This is a chemical imbalance and should not be taken lightly.
Cognitive training is a very good idea, and I´m trying that with the help of my therapist. I can understand if you dislike the meds, but don´t do anything hasty.l
My thoughts are with you,
:shades: