SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

StandingStrong · 10-30-2006, 08:08 PM

For the newbies here, I wanted to share.

I loved him.....I worried about him....I was anxious and stressed....I spent countless hours alone....I was neglected.

I tried to talk to him....I tried to lead him to help (AA/counseling & God). I tried to reason with him, I tried to bargain, and I tried to control his alcohol consumption.

I cried alot, I begged him to stop, I guilted him, I yelled at him, and I drove myself insane wishing that he'd get his act together. I stressed about things, I took care of things, I became a great enabler.

I put faith in his words, I believed his promises, and I clung to the belief that "this time" would be the time he'd finally stop. I hung onto hope each time I was given a small ray of things getting better. And in the end, I'd always feel that heartbroken disappointment as things returned to their normal pattern.

I accepted many things I shouldn't have. I accepted that this was our life and that this was how it was. This life became "normal".

I eventually began to believe that his drinking was my fault. I believed that if I were prettier, a better person, a better wife, etc - that he wouldn't treat me like this. I believed the verbal abuse and I believed that I was to blame. I blamed myself, I felt guilt, and I was sad, depressed, and heartbroken.

Any of this sounding familiar?

Sometimes I believe that some of us on this board come across as cold, unemtional, and even heartless to new members. We've come to a place in our recoveries where we see things differently, we feel differently, etc. But I remember clearly thinking that I wouldn't forget where I'd been and how I felt because I wanted the new members here to know that they were understood. I'd been there and I know the hurt.

Today, I view things differently than I once did. My life is not the same as it was once. But it took a lot of time and alot of pain to get where I am. I am not done growing either - my journey of recovery will be a life-long effort. The scars that I carry with me for having lived with an alcoholic are for life, the life that I had loving an alcoholic and losing myself will forever be a part of who I am and will affect me forever. My life did not turn upside down overnight and will not be fixed in one day either. It's a process.

For those of you that are new here.....please believe that we all came here with questions, hurts, and pain. We each came here seeking answers and seeking to find a way to relieve ourselves of the pain that we felt. While our stories may not all be the exact same, there are many similarities between us.

While you may have felt once that no one understood - you will find understanding here. While you may not always feel that anyone really "gets it", believe me when I tell you that we "get it". While you may often times feel alone - you are not alone!!!!!

We really do care!!!

10-30-2006, 08:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
StandingStrong Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: In Search of Finding ME! Posts: 1,246	I loved him...... For the newbies here, I wanted to share. I loved him.....I worried about him....I was anxious and stressed....I spent countless hours alone....I was neglected. I tried to talk to him....I tried to lead him to help (AA/counseling & God). I tried to reason with him, I tried to bargain, and I tried to control his alcohol consumption. I cried alot, I begged him to stop, I guilted him, I yelled at him, and I drove myself insane wishing that he'd get his act together. I stressed about things, I took care of things, I became a great enabler. I put faith in his words, I believed his promises, and I clung to the belief that "this time" would be the time he'd finally stop. I hung onto hope each time I was given a small ray of things getting better. And in the end, I'd always feel that heartbroken disappointment as things returned to their normal pattern. I accepted many things I shouldn't have. I accepted that this was our life and that this was how it was. This life became "normal". I eventually began to believe that his drinking was my fault. I believed that if I were prettier, a better person, a better wife, etc - that he wouldn't treat me like this. I believed the verbal abuse and I believed that I was to blame. I blamed myself, I felt guilt, and I was sad, depressed, and heartbroken. Any of this sounding familiar? Sometimes I believe that some of us on this board come across as cold, unemtional, and even heartless to new members. We've come to a place in our recoveries where we see things differently, we feel differently, etc. But I remember clearly thinking that I wouldn't forget where I'd been and how I felt because I wanted the new members here to know that they were understood. I'd been there and I know the hurt. Today, I view things differently than I once did. My life is not the same as it was once. But it took a lot of time and alot of pain to get where I am. I am not done growing either - my journey of recovery will be a life-long effort. The scars that I carry with me for having lived with an alcoholic are for life, the life that I had loving an alcoholic and losing myself will forever be a part of who I am and will affect me forever. My life did not turn upside down overnight and will not be fixed in one day either. It's a process. For those of you that are new here.....please believe that we all came here with questions, hurts, and pain. We each came here seeking answers and seeking to find a way to relieve ourselves of the pain that we felt. While our stories may not all be the exact same, there are many similarities between us. While you may have felt once that no one understood - you will find understanding here. While you may not always feel that anyone really "gets it", believe me when I tell you that we "get it". While you may often times feel alone - you are not alone!!!!! We really do care!!!