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Hi Papa,
I found that alcohol had beaten me. It won the battle, and I lost. I didn't like the word Al___lic, and I didn't want to go to AA.

When I stopped drinking, I felt lost. I felt lost because I gave up my #1 coping mechanism. I didn't know how to deal with my feelings. I LOVED drinking so much that it was easy to forget the bad stuff. My feelings were so much more raw without my self-medicating. I knew if I drank those feelings would be numbed.. I also knew that the last thing I wanted to do was to drink again.

When I quit drinking, I basicly ripped a big hole in my life. I knew I needed to find something to fill that hole. If I couldn't find something, I'd continue to feel lost and hopeless.

I still can't believe I joined AA, but I'm sure glad that I did. I had the same thoughts about it being a bunch of losers etc..... I went because I needed something, but it was the last place I wanted to go.

I'm not out here to preach to you about AA. After reading what you wrote, I could relate to how you feel. I felt alot of the same things. I just want to share with you that AA turned out to be the right place for me. I was the last one to realize it, but AA is now my home.

In general, people who are in recovery need to find something to help them recover. It could be reading a book, as you mentioned. It could be doing the "church thing" or getting into art. There's some alternative recovery programs which are different than AA.

One of SR's members, Don S, is a firm believer in SMART. It's another recovery program, and it's different than AA.

I basicly chose AA because I knew I didn't want to drink. I didn't know how I could stay sober, and I needed something to do to keep me from drinking. AA is free and accessible.

Here's some resources which provide recovery alternatives to AA. This is a list of links which Don S provided in his thread "friday affirmations". I recommend that you check out that thread. You might find something helpful there. Here it is:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...look-like.html

I like it because for someone who has quit drinking, AA or not, friday is a good day to give youself a pat on the back. Anyways, here's Don's list:

Don S's SMART Links:
The SMART Recovery web site: http://www.smartrecovery.org/

2. SMART Recovery forums: http://smartrecovery.infopop.cc/6/ubb.x

3. Article: Stages of Change (linked via Sky Site): http://www.skysite.org/stage.html

4. Wellness questions: http://www.student-health.buffalo.edu/lwc/well.shtml

5. Where's my locus of control? From the forum board archives: http://smartrecovery.infopop.cc/eve/...95&m=413101395

6. What is REBT?From the Albert Ellis Institute: http://www.rebt.org/about/whatisrebt.asp

7. Setting goals in recovery; from the forum board archives: http://smartrecovery.infopop.cc/eve/...95&m=837109815

8. Original SMART Online Founding Member 'Arby' describes the CBA: http://smartrecovery.infopop.cc/eve/...1&m=7861021701

9. Rational and Irrational Beliefs, from SMART Recovery, A Sensible Primer, by Dr. Bill Knaus

10. Some links about the effects of alcohol

11. Dr. Rob Sarmiento's Reality Check questions: http://www.cyberpsych.com/reality_check.html

12. "Successes Please!" from the Discussions Forum--an ongoing thread: http://smartrecovery.infopop.cc/eve/...1&m=5426089583

13. SMART Recovery acronyms, from the Greeting Café forum: http://smartrecovery.infopop.cc/eve/...81&m=344002755

14. Articles about rational and irrational beliefs (linked via the Sky Site): http://www.skysite.org/irrational.html

15. Exchange Vocabulary, by Dr. Rob Sarmiento: http://www.cyberpsych.com/vocabulary.html

16. Acceptance and Self-Worth (articles linked through the Sky Site): http://www.skysite.org/usa.html

17. The Trouble with Self Esteem, by Michael R. Edelstein

18. An ABC Crash Course

19. Arby describes the DISARM tool, from the Discussions forum: http://smartrecovery.infopop.cc/eve/...1&m=7751021601

Hang in there! You are making some good choices, and you can do this.
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