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Originally Posted by spring I have been reading all the posts here and am sooo moved by the honesty and rawness of the feelings here. I see a reaccuring theme that reminded me of something a therapist told me years ago.
I kept saying "But I know what a good person he is inside, if he could just be the man I know he could be", ect., ect.,......
My therapist said "It is not wise to base a relationship on loving someone's "potential." We ALL have the potential to be many things. It is WHO we ARE TODAY that needs to be acknowledged. Do you love who he is TODAY?, because that is the only person you can be absolutely sure he is willing to be and that may be who you will be trying to "love" forever." |
That's where I am today. AH has been sober for 9 months but has not attended any AA meetings in at least a month. He's depressed, hell bent on beating himself up over the destruction his drinking has caused him and those he loves the most. He has great potential, especialy now that he's not drinking but he don't see it. He was fired from a good job as a graphic designer for a local newspaper (he has his BA in the arts..print journalism to be exact.) He was so good at what he did that he won 4 front page design awards in two months, more than anyone in the entire company he worked for now he's just a mess. He's waiting tables to pay his child support and seems to have no desire to reach higher. We are both in therapy but it's too early to tell if it's helping either of us. Honestly I don't truely love who he is today. I'm greatful he's not drinking but saddend to see the shell of a man he has become since he's quit drinking. If this is the only person he is willing to be I will not be able to stay in this marriage. He's fresh into sobriety so I stay hoping that once he finds a way to deal with all of the pain he has caused and forgive himself, maybe..just maybe he will be able to be all he is capable of being. I can't live with him the way he is now, forever and he is well aware of this. So, in the meantime I work on my issues. Why did I find myself married to an alcoholic? I'm a product of the disease. I ahve alot of unfinished business when it comes to my childhood and eary adult hood that I'm trying to come to terms with right now and It's very painful sometimes, so painful it's emotionally exhausting. No wonder I never wanted to deal with it before. Thanks for the post. It reminds me of where I am right now and where I want to be in the futrue.