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I agree with Carol and 'FriendofBill'. I have a lot of experience with slips and relapses. When I was struggling along on my own, it's amazing how little thought I gave to it before I used again, usually only after a few days, though. It was like my mind just blocked out all the reasons I had for wanting to stay sober. I drank or used without thinking much about it, often with glee in fact. Then afterwards I was horrified and dejected and depressed. "Oh, God, I did it again!"
The times I relapsed after I'd been in the program and while I had a support group I could have used but had stopped using, I gave it more of a struggle. But I didn't have a good connection with the program, with other AA members such as a sponsor, and I had very little connection with my Higher Power. So, just like the Big Book says, there came a time when nothing stood between me and that first drink. If my Higher Power wasn't there in any form, through the group or sponsor or God, then I was powerless. I learned the hard way that if I'm not connected to and guided by my Higher Power (which for me is a combination of the group, my sponsor and God), then it's only a matter of time before I use again. Unfortunately, I was too ashamed to come back right away and ask for help. I just quit going to meetings and started drinking again, and things got really horrible. I wish so much now that I had known that it was ok, that I could have learned from it and would have been welcomed back so long as I had a desire to stop drinking. I wish I'd known that there was no need to be ashamed. It could have saved me and my family a lot of heartache.
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