| Language for European Communications
<center>The European Union commissioners have announced
that agreement has been reached to adopt English
as the preferred language for European communications,
rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government
conceded that English spelling had some room
for improvement and has accepted a
five-year phased plan for what will be known
as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year,
"s" will be used instead of the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news
with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be
replaced with "k". Not only will this klear
up konfusion, but typewriters kan
have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in
the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f".
This will make words
like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year,
publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be expekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of
double letters, which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful,
and they would go.
By the fourth year,
peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan
be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou", and similar changes vud of kors be
aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Und efter ze fifz yer,
ve vil al be speking German like zey
vunted in ze forst place....</center>
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