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deax · 09-14-2006, 10:24 AM

Blizzard I shouldn't post here because I don't have any experience with marriage or divorce, but I was thinking along the same lines as Cynay in regards to your husband and the therapy session (just didn't think it would be acceptable to say it...). I find the therapist's comments a little off-putting too, since he knew he was dealing with someone with less than a year sobriety.

You said that your are proud of your husband for his recovery so far... it's not even 9 mos living sober, that's a lot for him to have on his plate right now AND work on his marriage in marriage counseling AND have what you consider the right level of motivation ...etc.

NONE of which is to say that your needs shouldn't be met or that you should spend your life waiting on him...not at all! I just think during this time while you are not entirely sure what you want just yet-- take your time to really think it through and figure out what your resentments are based on and what specifically you need from him in this marriage-- and how much longer you are willing to wait and see if the pieces fall into place.

Maybe you both just need some time, like Cynay said?

We've all, I'm sure, read alot in Al-Anon literature about not making hasty, emotional decisions. You are going through as much as he is in your own way, so give yourself time to find your center. My therapist always tells me that my emotionality makes me lose my center and the big picture, and that I shouldn't decide anything or open my mouth until I get it back. Nothing comes fast or easy, though. It's been a lesson in patience!

Lately I've been asking the big questions in meditation- I'm told guiding answers come in some form when you put them out there- but I dunno if you're into that sort of thing. It's really no different than praying for God's will. I believe praying/meditating/energies/the 'universe' are all tapping into the same force, we just call it whatever we want. But answers do come... And your answer might indeed be to divorce, I'm just suggesting taking a calm and thoughtful road to discover it.

Anyway, I really do wish the best for both of you, and I hope you can find some peace in this time.

09-14-2006, 10:24 AM	#12 (permalink)
deax Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Bronx, NY Posts: 413	Blizzard I shouldn't post here because I don't have any experience with marriage or divorce, but I was thinking along the same lines as Cynay in regards to your husband and the therapy session (just didn't think it would be acceptable to say it...). I find the therapist's comments a little off-putting too, since he knew he was dealing with someone with less than a year sobriety. You said that your are proud of your husband for his recovery so far... it's not even 9 mos living sober, that's a lot for him to have on his plate right now AND work on his marriage in marriage counseling AND have what you consider the right level of motivation ...etc. NONE of which is to say that your needs shouldn't be met or that you should spend your life waiting on him...not at all! I just think during this time while you are not entirely sure what you want just yet-- take your time to really think it through and figure out what your resentments are based on and what specifically you need from him in this marriage-- and how much longer you are willing to wait and see if the pieces fall into place. Maybe you both just need some time, like Cynay said? We've all, I'm sure, read alot in Al-Anon literature about not making hasty, emotional decisions. You are going through as much as he is in your own way, so give yourself time to find your center. My therapist always tells me that my emotionality makes me lose my center and the big picture, and that I shouldn't decide anything or open my mouth until I get it back. Nothing comes fast or easy, though. It's been a lesson in patience! Lately I've been asking the big questions in meditation- I'm told guiding answers come in some form when you put them out there- but I dunno if you're into that sort of thing. It's really no different than praying for God's will. I believe praying/meditating/energies/the 'universe' are all tapping into the same force, we just call it whatever we want. But answers do come... And your answer might indeed be to divorce, I'm just suggesting taking a calm and thoughtful road to discover it. Anyway, I really do wish the best for both of you, and I hope you can find some peace in this time.