I have slipped 3 times in the last couple of weeks or less. I feel that this constitutes a relapse, at least that's the way that I feel inside. I did overeat each time. I didn't have any sugar or aspertame or sodas, but I did overeat. I didn't gorge like I used to when I went into a binge, but I did compulsively overeat.
There have been so many factors that have led up to this, but the character defects lie inside of me. I have had emotional reactions to several different things going on in my life that seemed to happen one right after the other and overlapping. It just steadily got more overwhelming for me in so many directions.
I've also been missing some of my f2f meetings lately, which couldn't be helped. My sponsor got a new job and so I feel uncomfortable just calling her anytime after she's off because I know that she's tired and adjusting. This forum got pretty stressful for me lately. I'm just feeling like things that I was doing to build up my recovery, are falling apart in every direction that I turn, lately. I know that it is just me being weak and my nerves acting up again.
I know that I really need to make a written out plan to fall back on in times like these. Like an alternative..... Plan B, I guess. For each thing that ususally helps me in my recovery, I need to have an alternative.
I've also been staying up later again and staying on the computer too long again. That really throws me into a really tired body. Even when I get enough hours of sleep, if it's not the right hours, I'm still feeling tired in every way.
I guess that I just felt like I needed to be honest here about what all is going on with me lately. Not saying anything just tends to make me avoid this forum and I really don't want to do that. I really need you all here and I would love to try to be here for anyone who might need someone, when I can. I didn't realize just how much I did really get from coming here to share with you all, until I didn't feel free to really express my true self any longer. I do need you all and I do care about you all. We really need to support each other. We don't have to always agree on everything, but I really believe that it's important for each of us to get to be who we truly are and we need to feel free to share anything that we want to if it is not harmful or hurtful to anyone else.
I guess that I've rambled on as much as I need to for now. I'm gonna go and get some rest and then try to write out a basic plan for myself, in light of what I've been feeling as a prelude to this relapse. Thanks to anyone who cared enough to read all of this babbling.
