| This is my biggest problem. I think being negative is what my addiction thrives on.
In this first couple of weeks of not drinking, all I'm doing is thinking about things, and blaming others (which I hate) and that makes me want to drink. Since not having a drink, I've notices its been mostly things I can't control that make me want to drink. Like how someone responds to me at work, or what mabye my mom said to me, or maybe even what someone here might say to me. That's what makes the not drinking hard and it blows my mind that thoughts and things other say control my mind so much that my actions follow the negative by grabbing a drink.
Sometimes I wonder if drinking is really the problem or my thinking. It seems like my thinking causes my drinking, then my drinking causes my problems.
They are so closely intertwined.
That sound stupid?
And sometimes when I try to talk myself into something positive. then I come up with a positive reason to drink. It weird.
Normal people I guess have a drink because they want to. And they stop at one or two because they want to.
I have a drink because I don't want to think and then I drink and think even more. Its weird. |