Good input, Juls. Being vulnerable is like switching on a bad CD. I arrived to Switzerland with my niece and we are staying here for the night before we continue to Italy. What heaven to leave Paris! It´s so hot, it´s a killer with the pollution.
I think of my mother´s voice as well and how she was always depressed. How she locked herself in all the time and said she couldn´t cope with having us. We came to believe we were not worthy of living because we obviously caused her so much pain. My maternal grandmother kept saying our “sinful lifestyle would kill us and God would punish us”. Luckily, I had a wonderful relationship with my father. He was an artist and we travelled all over the world; lived in communes with other artists when I was a child. He said I could do anything if I wanted to.
It´s good to see that my mother is embracing life again and loves being with her grandchildren. My father is unfortunately in a nursing home, dying slowly. It´s a great pain, but I know he has to leave us and there is nothing to do but let him go.
Best to all of you,